How to Have Healthier Relationships with Your Adult Children

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-4mn2a-f52036

EPISODE SUMMARY

When it comes to parent-child relationships, the dynamic continually changes. When our kids are young, we hold all the power. We give opinions, make the decisions, and have final say on nearly everything. However, once our children become adults themselves, that power starts to shift. Now, instead of being told what to do, our kids have more control and say over their lives. As parents, it can be difficult finding a balance between offering input and overstepping boundaries. In today’s episode, we spoke to Cara Pollard, a coach who offers services to families, couples, women and teens. Cara also specializes in parent and adult children relationships and gave us her expertise and advice on how to deal with the relationship changes. We started by asking Cara about the common problems she sees within parent and adult children relationships, and she told us one of the most prominent issues is parents being uncomfortable taking on a mentor and friend role rather than a parental one. She talked about the importance of discovering what your purpose is the relationship is and said that one way to do this is by starting with one word you’d use to describe your ideal parent-child relationship. You can then use that word and build on it, eventually coming up with the blueprints to how you want your relationship to be. Next, Cara emphasized just how important it is to establish boundaries with your children. Without boundaries, adult children may take advantage of their parents or parents may give up their own plans to assist their children. When we asked about tips for better communication skills, Cara told us that practice is a useful tool. Figuring out the phrases and tones you want to use during a discussion with your adult child can help keep the conversation productive and beneficial for both parties. One of Cara’s methods is known as the spiral method, and it stands for: stop, pause, intention, realign, as is, and learn. It is a method used to help prevent someone from falling down a mental spiral in a stressful situation. When Cara heard that we like to believe that selfish isn’t a bad word, she took it one step further by saying that we should turn “selfish” into “selfless”. She said that by taking care of ourselves, we are also taking care of those around us, for we remain in good spirits and can be better communicators. For processing generational differences in parent and adult children relationships, Cara gave the advice to compare your relationship with your child to your relationship with your own mother. If you want the two relationships to be different, then you cannot compare how your mother raised you to how you raise your children. We asked Cara what advice she would give to parents struggling with their relationship with their adult children, and she said that they should start by figuring out what kind of relationship they want with their kids, what is and isn’t working about their relationship currently, the strengths of their relationship, and their goals. Lastly, we asked how people can get in touch with Cara, and she let us know that she can be reached through her email, website or phone number.

Cara Pollard:

www.carapollardparentcoach.com

From Cara’s Website:

Cara Pollard offers coaching services to families, couples, women and teens. Cara transforms lives by drawing upon her depth & breadth of background within her legal & academic experience. She is a lifelong learner with regards to the theories related to early childhood development.

She listens deeply and compassionately to her clients and then provides specific suggestions to implement new attitudes and strategies for moving forward toward their preferred future. Her coaching has provided life-changing results and enhances each person’s and family’s journey by bringing joy, enthusiasm, love and laughter to their world.

Cara has created the SPIRAL Method to help parents and children build a trusting and healthy relationship. Spiral stands for:

-Stop

-Pause

-Intent

-Realign

-As Is

-Learn

Applying each of these steps can help open the lines of communication and prevent emotionally charged conversations.

She is also passionate about working with children and families in many other capacities. She offers public presentations and workshops to parent employees at corporations, to parent lawyers at law firms, to parent groups at schools and women’s networking and support groups. She also partners with schools by offering coaching services to administrators, teachers, parents and students.

Cara’s Credentials:

Bachelor of Arts from Indiana University
Paralegal Certification from Roosevelt University
Master’s level certification from Parent Coaching Institute and Seattle University School of Education
Certified in Practical Reiki

Cara’s Ongoing Education:

Certificate of Completion from Center for Conflict Resolution in Meditation Skills
Participation in year-long program SEED
- Developed by Wellesley Center for Women
- Women and gender-focused, social change-oriented research-and-action institute at Wellesley College
- Understanding how to bring out just and equitable selves to our organizations
- Becoming more equitable and just through equity and diversity

In this episode, we discuss…