Mothers and Daughters: Complicated Relationships, Cults and Closure with Ronit Plank

https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/aevmmd/RONITFINAL_-_5_7_21_509_PM8m37s.mp3

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Parental bonds can be complicated, and as someone with a complex relationship with her own mother, Ronit Plank is using her personal story to relate to and inspire others who share a similar struggle. In today’s episode, we sat down with Ronit to discuss her history, her mother, and how she’s learned to accept the past. First, we asked Ronit about the inspiration behind her book When She Comes Back, which will be available this Mother’s Day. Ronit explained that after moving to the states with her family, her parents divorced, causing her mother to become a single parent. Her mother became involved with a guru and left twice, which led to Ronit and her sister being raised by their father in their mother’s absence. Ronit carried her story with her for years, and after she began to pursue writing, she started working on what is now her memoir. Ronit and her mother have a complicated history, and Ronit told us that her mother first left when Ronit was only five years old. She returned when Ronit was seven but left once more when she was twelve, returning again years later when the ranch she was on was shut down. We then asked about Ronit’s other family dynamics in the wake of her mother’s absence, and Ronit talked about how she became a maternal figure for her sister. Rather than getting to be a child, Ronit spent her adolescence cooking, cleaning, and helping raise her sister alongside her father. Acting like an adult at such a young age caused Ronit to shut down, making her feel older than she really was and causing resentment. When asked about her mother’s final return, Ronit said that at that point, she was old enough to see her mother’s true feelings. She could tell her mother was not happy to be back in their familial setting. Ronit then told us about the rest of her family. She explained that her parent’s divorce was unsurprising considering her family history. Ronit’s paternal and maternal grandparents all got divorced, as well as numerous other family members. For Ronit’s mother’s parents, Ronit explained that Ronit’s mother grew up in an abusive household. Her grandmother would verbally and physically abuse her mother. When asked what advice she would give to others with complicated parental relationships, Ronit said that the biggest thing to realize is that parents aren’t perfect. For Ronit’s relationship with her own mother, she said it was a slow journey, but eventually, she realized that while her mother may never be perfect, there was effort being made that should be acknowledged. There is not always a “hallmark” moment where a person realizes what they’ve done and says the right thing; sometimes, accepting a person’s flaws and learning to forgive is the best we can do. There also comes a point when you realize that it’s better to spend the time you have left with your parent positively then to waste it resenting them. Finally, we asked how listeners can get in touch with Ronit, and she told us that she can be reached through her website, social media and podcast.

Ronit Plank

From Ronit’s Website:

My name is Ronit Plank, and I’m a writer, podcaster, teacher, and storyteller. Some of my work has been published in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, The HuffPost, and The Rumpus.

My passion is learning how someone else has lived or survived or has come to understand something about themselves. I love the way stories–whether fiction or nonfiction or interviews–bridge vastly different lived experiences and help connect those who might not otherwise have found each other. Listening to someone tell you their truth and being able to share your own can be the glue that keeps us together and seen and supported.

I wrote my memoir (Motina Books 2021) to offer a window into how losing my mother to the guru at the center of the documentary Wild Wild Country impacted my childhood and how, after years of emotional distance, we reconciled when I became a mother myself.

I created the podcast And Then Everything Changed to highlight the lives of people who have survived hardship or trauma or pain and have made it their mission to help others find their way, whose stories inspire me to stay vulnerable and searching and strong. I release new And Then Everything Changed episodes every week and the podcast is available on most platforms.