DAPHNE ZUNIGA: EPISODE LINK

STILL THE PLACE: PODCAST LINK

TRANSCRIPT:

COLLEEN: Welcome back to hot flashes and cool topics podcast today. We are talking to actress
producer and new podcaster Daphne Zuniga welcome to the show.
Thank you guys. I’m so happy to be here We’re thrilled that you could join us and
there’s so much to talk about we had such a good time with Courtney Thorn Smith as
well But there’s a lot to talk to you about number one. I wanted to start with,
how’s the podcast going? What’s it like? How’d it come about? What’s going on with
it?

DAPHNE: Well, it’s going great. I mean, I can’t believe it’s an actual sort of job
to meet with these two people that I really like, but I’m also getting to know
because we didn’t stay in direct contact and have these friendships right after
Melrose Place, Courtney Thorn- Smith and Laura Leighton, because everyone went their own
directions and had careers to build and families to have and stuff. So though we
did stay in touch with everyone, this has been really cool to get to know them and
to appreciate them now who they are now as we go back and look at the episodes of
Melrose Place where like we’re you know, Courtney’s always going like,
God, I’m a baby. We’re so young, we’re so young. And yeah,
it does feel like another life ’cause it’s been all these, you know, for 30
something years. So yeah, it’s another time of life, but it’s great
because for me anyway, I think for all of us, you become an audience member ’cause
you’re so far removed. Courtney doesn’t even remember some of her scenes. We haven’t
even come to me. I come in episode 15, so we’ve just started. You guys are
veterans at this point. We’re just starting. You can only give us tips.
But so we’re loving it. And it came to be, Laura and I had talked about it.
We’d actually talked with someone a couple years ago.
And then we got this Text out of the blue that kind of we didn’t have another
meeting after we had met on it And then we got this text out of the blue from
Courtney saying I had it my friend had a dream that we’re doing a podcast Why
aren’t we doing a Melrose podcast? We’re both like yes. We love it. So it just
took that kind of like inspired Moment for this new thought new idea for us to act
on it, which we did and it’s been great We’ve I’ve worked with this I Heart team
before when I was a guest on the One Tree Hill podcast, Drama Queens, which my
other castmates do. So, and I did a live episode, a live event.
You said you guys had done some of those. They did one in New York, I was a part
of. So I called them up, the I Heart radio producers, and they loved the idea.

BRIDGETT: Oh, I love rewatchable podcasts. I just, especially, well, I watched Melrose all the
time when I was a new mom and I told Courtney the same thing and my husband
traveled and I had a baby and it’s like, okay, Wednesday night, it’s, it was 90210
and Melrose place and I watched it. But I love listening to the rewatchables, just
because it takes you back to that time and then I want to go back. And I want to
see that episode again. Have you had a lot of response from people that’s saying,
Hey, or what has the response been like?

DAPHNE: Yes. So people are, people came out right
out of the gate, just like, Oh my God, finally, you know, we can talk about it
again and visit it. We visited. Um, and then we kind of look at it. We look at
all of our comments and our producer, um, who has her own Instagram account, uh,
still the place. And then you have me and Daphne Zuniga and Laura Leighton,
for real, is Laura’s, but Courtney is not on social media and we’re bound to get
her on. Good news, just a little update, inside update. Last time we recorded, she
said, you know, I’m talking to a social media person. I think I can do it in a
positive way and a feel-good way and not like, it’s not like a whole gutter of
negativity, which It’s all of it is what it is. So right, right?

BRIDGETT:  She just puts her dog up. Georgie.  Yeah, we met Georgie.

COLLEEN You know, social media is a blessing and a curse It opens the door for a lot of negativity

DAPHNE: But it also like she said can be a positive platform It’s just you’re gonna get all kinds of people responding and
you have have to have a strong Courtney has a strong sense of boundaries. She’s,
that’s big for her and which you need on social media.
You have to go like swipe, block, block, block. Like that’s a thing for a reason
because it’s your universe, it’s your world. And you get to curate what you want
into your mind and your eyes and your heart, in my opinion. So if you’re gonna go
looking around, going to find what you find in the world only is all there on your
phone. So it is a little daunting. I totally understand that. Yeah. When I’m glad
because so far it’s just been the three of us. And I think that she’ll get a lot
of followers. I think she has a lot of great things to say and share and she has
a podcast to promote.
COLLEEN: What has social media been like for you? What’s your experience with it? –

DAPHNE: I was very tentative. I was on the set of “Once We Hill” about, I don’t know, 12, 14
years ago. And back in my day, we would sit on chairs like these behind me,
a director’s chair, a cast chair, and we’d play backgammon or we’d chat or read our
books or knit or whatever. And I was sitting in a circle with this cast and
everyone was like this. – On their phones. – Yes, yes. And then I’d be like, and
then I would hear these gasps and things and I was like, what are you doing? So
Sophia said, let me show you. And Sophia was very early on already in fights with
her fans. So, or non -fans. So she’s very strong. She’s very opinionated, very
strong. And she just can digest this stuff and also with strong boundaries.
There are settings now for a good reason. So she uses them. But I’m like,
okay, you know, set me up and she did. And I was like, who are these people?
Like, why are they saying things about me? And to me, who are you? Total stranger.
So it was very weird because it used to be there was like this a veil,
a curtain, you know, and not just anyone could come into your world. And now they
can. So I think we develop all of us have to develop other sense of other tools
for those boundaries and also take responsibility for you know what I’m doing with
my time and what I’m letting into my brain and what I’m you know there’s things
that I’ve realized I can lose an hour on it just out of curiosity and then the
algorithm loves that so then the algorithm just throws it at you tenfold so now I’m
like, you know what? I never knew this before. Do I have to know it now? Do I
have to know how to make a pumpkin spice with the wreath, with the disaster and
that? I mean, you know, it’s all of it. That’s like, so,
and it’s all at your face. So I just feel like for now, I’m definitely more
selective. And, you know, in the past, I’ve used it as a platform for causes right
now. I’m doing a lot of just podcast stuff, but I’m like a personable person and I
have to know that about myself and not let too much in because it affects me.
And these are strangers. We’re all strangers until and yet I know people have
friendships online. So it’s, it is hard. It’s like this, this shield. And then
sometimes, you know, people out of nowhere can be, can be very mean. And then they
could, but then there’s some that could be very nice.

BRIDGETT: And I’m always the concerned
one because I actually saw your Instagram and I’m like, Oh, no, was she in North
Carolina? Is she okay with all the rain? I was like, I hope she’s okay.

DAPHNE: You know, I left just in time, but I have a friend’s daughter who’s at the University of
Asheville, so she’s, I just asked her this morning, how’s she doing? She said it’s
been horrible and she’s going to work on getting out today, but they haven’t had
water, electricity or Wi -Fi for days. It’s horrible. Yeah. And that’s what I mean.
Like, it’s good because we can get the word out and then there will be really fun
that we can, funds that we can help with and organizations of people on the ground
or talk to people, but that’s not, that’s when it really can be beneficial and
helpful.

COLLEEN: Do you think the way you react now to social media, how do you think you
would have reacted when you were filming Melrose  Place much younger, probably a
little more vulnerable to comments?

DAPHNE: It would have been Well, it would have been,
yeah, you just asking me that makes me think of the young people now. I didn’t
have those defenses. First of all, people don’t, wouldn’t say things to your face.
They may think it, but they’re not going to say it. And then they’re not going to
use this empowered position of being invisible and just lash things out because of
what they’re going through at that moment or those years or that they’re not taking
care of them their mental health and themselves so and also people project if it’s
a screen I feel like it’s easy to fill in the blanks as you’re looking that’s why
and you know you look at something and you may get envious or wish that your
reality was different well of course the filters and all that especially but I think
I would have been a freaking mess I think it would have really crept in and messed
with my mind as it as it is I was in therapy since 1987 so hopefully I would
have had guidance to you know what they do now they you try to tell them to turn
off and do these other activities and things like that but
it would have been very hard. –

BRIDGETT: Yeah, I really feel for the young people, the young
actors today, and the privacy. It’s just the privacy, I feel like, you’ve got to
have some privacy. You have to have some of it to yourself. –

DAPHNE: And the need and the
pressure to use it and exist on there and build your brand and get those followers.
and it’s exhausting just thinking about it, you know? – And it’s a different world
now because you are an actor, you, your love is acting.
COLLEEN: So you’re well known for that career and social media is just a useful tool,
but a lot of people are known for their social media. That defines them. They have
to constantly create content. And Bridget and I say that we really feel for the
younger generation that thinks this is reality, this is life, this is what people
are actually doing when you’re seeing a minute of their whole day. –

DAPHNE: I mean, how many times have the three of us and has anybody watching or listening seen a
post by somebody you know, and then before you know what they’re calling you or
they’re telling you that the fight they have with the family or their kids aren’t
paid, you know, or whatever their problems are. And then you’re just like,
that’s not, that’s not what it’s presented. That’s not how many times have you felt,
have I felt pressured to like, I’m going to show, you know, uh, no one was the
inside the truth. There’s still reality, which I feel like maybe that’s a gift that
we as women of our ages and we’re different ages. You guys are younger,

BRIDGETT: but not much, not much, not much, not much, all around the same time.

COLLEEN:We’re 57. We’re happily 57.

BRIDGETT: I’m almost 57.

COLLEEN: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I just age you? She’s six months younger. She will be in December. It doesn’t I totally forget.
I assume when I forget.

BRIDGETT: Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, you’re, you are fine. And then I age
my husband cause he’s 10 months younger. So I just age him.

DAPHNE: So like the younger ones, huh?

BRIDGETT: I’m a cougar. Yeah. So speaking of husbands, you were married. Is it been about two years?

DAPHNE: No, 2019. We got married in 2019

BRIDGETT: Oh, okay. Okay. 2019.

DAPHNE: Yeah. I heard Courtney say I was a newlywed. I’m like, Hmm. No, you’re okay. I feel like
I feel like one, we’ve actually been together though, for almost 17 years.
– Okay. – I met him as we were staying before. I met him right when I was, I met
two people at the same time. He met the Tasmanian devil, also as known as perrymenopause,
totally new out of the blue, was feeling great. I was just started being 40 and I
was feeling amazing. I finally felt the confidence and the kind of just the not
worrying about things and I had energy and, you know,
I was getting all this attention at 40. So I think I look younger from my age,
I’m 61, I’ll be 62 next year. But, But still, you, anyway,
so I was feeling all that going, going along fine, and then suddenly like,
perimenopause and I didn’t know what it was. Oh, and, and I met David at the same
time.

BRIDGETT: And he stayed,

DAPHNE: and he stayed. He needs, he should be canonized this man. But I’ll tell you what goes a long way.
Sel -accountability. So what I mean, I’ll tell you a story from the very beginning
when I met him, you’re not going to believe, well, you will believe this because
you’ve probably been through this, but I was introducing him to some friends. So he,
we were long distance for three years. So he came out to LA. I said, I want you
to meet two of my good friends. So So we go to dinner and at this point I wasn’t
doing anything for my hormones, I didn’t know, I was just my fabulous self having
met this new guy. So suddenly we’re at dinner and he started annoying me completely
like saying the dumbest things and I’m just like, oh, sorry, because he’s from the
coast, you know, sort of like prep schools, private schools, very traditional
cocktails at five, you know, your linens over here, the fork is this way,
the knife faces this way, blah, blah, blah. And so he said something,
I go, oh, well, yeah, I think it’d be so proper, but where’s your knife supposed
to go? Like, that came out of my mouth in front of people at a restaurant. And I
was ready for a fight. It’s, and I’m, it’s telling you this story. It’s humorous
afterwards, but, and then I insulted my best friend who was sitting across from me.
And I just said to her something so hurtful. And she looked at me with tears in
her eyes and said, I’m gonna leave Daphne, makes me cry. So she left and she left
the restaurant and I sat there for a second with my other best friend across from
me and this new man next to me and I said I feel no remorse. Something’s wrong.
I was completely disconnected with the emotion that was coming through me and I just
went something’s wrong. And it was the hormones. I’m assuming like testosterone was
going flying and estrogen had dropped because your estrogen is your compassion and
your connection feeling hormone. So I said I’m calling my doctor tomorrow.
That was my first intro to it. And I did and I emailed my friend who is still
one of my close friends. She totally said and she hadn’t been through it yet. So
she didn’t know what, but she just said, um, you know, I, of understand that must
be hard. I’m, I’m totally here. I get it. And tell me what your doctor says when
she gets your meds, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That scares you because you’re not
behaving in a way that you even feel like I should feel really bad about this. And
you know, after on rage is real, the personality changes, they’re real. A lot of
women feel like they’re doing something personally wrong. They, they don’t, it doesn’t
even go into their brain that it could be perimenopause because that’s just not
something that women are educated enough on. Right.

BRIDGETT & COLLEEN: Yeah.

DAPHNE: So you guys are educated.
You’ve done a lot of research. You know, um, I didn’t. So that I still to this
day, now I’m post -menopausal, pretty damn sure that was in my 40s that was like I
said 17 years ago my doctor put me on herbs first and those worked for a while
kind of just mellowed me out made me stay connected to who I was what I was doing
and saying but then it started to not work so I think my inner stuff was going
stronger assuming and I’ve been doing bioidentical hormones,
the creams. So ever since, and it feels great.
Other than the one time she tried to up my testosterone and I almost punched out
my mother, I was vocal. – Oh no. – I just took that tube and I threw it away. I
can’t, I mean, but I thought, this is what men have in them, this testosterone
stuff. – It could be scary. I mean, it could be good. It could be great.

BRIDGETT: Yeah. Properly dosed. Properly dosed. And we, it’s, that’s, it’s coming up in a episode or
where we talk to someone if you get too much and what can happen and especially
with pellets and all that scary stuff that it can’t get out of your body.

COLLEEN: If you have the pellets, it’s in your body and it cannot get out until it kind of
dissolves itself and how it could turn into extra estrogen that you don’t need and
everything. – There’s just so many dangers. –

BRIDGETT: There are, but you know, when you, and
I had the same experience, I didn’t even know what perimenopause was when I was
going through it. I didn’t know there was a word I’d heard of menopause, and I
have eight older sisters.
I do remember menopause because I have a sister that’s 17 years older than me. And I
remember when, you know, she was like 40 something. And I thought, why is she
turning the air down? Is she just trying to get attention? What is she doing? And
boy, it came and got me. Karma came and got me. But, uh, it is something that
you women don’t even know. And Colleen and I, that’s a goal we have as we really
want. Colleen always says, we want our daughters to take it for granted that they
already know about what this is and it will be out there and they’re gonna have everything there
for them to know about perimenopause and menopause and just what to expect and what
they can do about it and how they can advocate for themselves. –

DAPHNE:  ‘Cause hormones directly affect your feelings and therefore your behavior.

BRIDGETT & COLLEEN: Right

DAPHNE: You notice those moments that you’re sobbing in a store or you just feel
that they’re so uneven, it’s like a roller coaster, that often, especially if the
tears are coming and they feel more like waterworks, and then you think, what
happened? What, did something happen? And if there’s nothing I can directly track to,
this is in the past, you know, I still do that, but it’s not as crazy,
then I would think, okay, this is, you know, hormonal. – Yeah. – Right. –

BRIDGETT: And Ithought peri was worse. I don’t know about, I thought peri was worse than
menopause and menopause. – We’re both post, so. – We’re both post, yeah, so. And I
do hormones and Colleen hasn’t had any need for it. –

COLLEEN: I would if I needed it. I just tried it. For me, it was a lot of brain fog and anxiety. And I think I
learned to compensate for those without even realizing that the option of,
you know, hormone therapy would have been probably better. But now I just feel like
I’ve settled it, like it’s kind of settled into a process. But I’m curious, you
know, when you were going through that 17 years ago, that was pretty soon after the
2002 report came out on hormone therapy and it was dangerous. And I’m really
interested that you found a doctor that would still consider your feelings, your
request. That’s very unusual at the time. Was your doctor hesitant at all?

DAPHNE: She wasn’t. She, she, uh, first of all, she’s a medical doctor,
ob -gyn, and also, um, on the California board of, um, alternative medicines,
I think they called it. So she incredibly educated, but also very female
-knowledgeable and female -friendly. So she didn’t throw a ton, she said,
you know, of the hormones at me. And she did say that the bioidentical creams,
just topical creams are the safest. And it says right on there how much to,
you know, take or not. I’ve heard podcasts and I’ve heard people say there’s still
controversy, But I have, you know, I have naturally low estrogen when I get my labs
every year and I’m always low. So I’m not that worried as long as I use my
estrogen with progesterone. I think that’s the right. Is that you’re not.
COLLEEN & BRIDGETT: Yes. Yes. If you have a uterus. Yes.

DAPHNE: Yeah. So I think other people,
other women have more estrogen naturally. You know, I’ve just always had low. I’ve
never had, it’s never come across as high, but with the, you know,
with my hormonal
bioidentical creams, it comes out closer to normal. So I think if you have too much
is when you, there’s chances of –

BRIDGETT: Yeah, and you have to watch for, especially with
your uterus, uterine linING and uterine cancer, you have to, that’s why you have to
have progesterone, if you have a uterus. If you’ve had a hysterectomy, you don’t
need progesterone. And I also, yeah. Go ahead. Oh, I take,
mine is a patch, but I’ve always heard trans, trans dermal or skin is, or a patch
is better. It doesn’t pass through your liver. So that’s always a good one. Mm -hmm.

DAPHNE: And I love the way it makes progesterone, it’s just like, – Oh, the sleepy. – It’s
the relaxing. – Yeah, people are like, “Oh, CBD this and CBD that.” And I’m like,
“You mean progesterone?” (laughing) I just feel like once I, you know, I don’t want
to feel anything that’s unnatural. I want to feel like, that’s it. –

BRIDGETT:  Right, right.

DAPHNE:I want to feel high. I don’t want to feel like I don’t have anxiety. I don’t
have that knock wood. I don’t have, um, you know, other sort of mental issues other
than reality. Yeah, that’s enough. Right. That’s enough. Yes, Yes. Um, I have it in my family lineage, for sure. But, um,
I want to feel likeme, you know, sometimes I want I, you know, if, if I feel like I’m low energy, I
go, hmm, it’s been like four or five days, a couple of weeks in a row. What’s
going on? Am I eating enough of this or that? But, you know, but I don’t want to
feel like all the time I need to go hiking and starting new things. You know,
this is the other thing about being this age. We’re on the, we’re well into the
perimenopause, middle age story. You guys and me.
And so, you know, there’s a whole phase to this. When you first started, you’re
dealing with that stuff, then there’s a whole like, oh, I accept me, which is felt
wonderful. And I found my love, David, to go back to your original question.

COLLEEN: That’s what happens all the time. We just start chatting and we go, that’s all
right.

BRIDGETT: It’s circular. Yeah. –

DAPHNE: Yeah, and we don’t mind the side
tracking, right? Men are like, “Yeah, to the point.” –

BRIDGETT: I love all the stories.
I want to hear it all, stories are great. – I love all the stories, yeah. –

COLLEEN: What was it about David? Was it the timing? Do you think if you had met him 10 years
before, would it have been the same outcome? Or do you think you were just more
mature and looking for different things? –

DAPHNE: I think both, I think both. If I had met
him 10 years before, absolutely I would have not been attracted to him because he
was facing me and all open and listening and that meant intimacy.
That meant, “Ah, what do I do with you?” And I didn’t know at that point.
I was just, had just started dealing, meditating and in these long,
nine -day retreats and really dealing with a lot of my insecurities and shadow stuff
and shame, all the good stuff that’s buried down. So that was starting to come up
and get healed and these big horrible shames and embarrassments or feelings of
Loneliness and never fitting in and all this stuff kind of comes up from the past
And so then you shed light on it and then you embrace it, you know, and so I met
him after that and When we met he had raised a family and the marriage was had
been over for four or more years
And so we had different completely he’s also 11 years older than I am. So, we had
different paths and he was at a different phase. But we both agreed on…
Oh my goodness. Oh yeah. She’s just lighting up. She’s literally taught us this on
our… Oh that’s funny. She’s always going like this, like she’ll go by accident,
like this. I think it’ll do that. Yeah. I love that. It’s awesome. thumbs up for
David. We both were at a point in our life where I didn’t need a man.
I wasn’t sure quite where he was going to fit to complete me, to make my life
fulfilled. I had that. I had had a career, and financial was good,
and my girlfriends travel.
And He didn’t need me, certainly not an actress when he was living in the suburbs
in Connecticut, you know, it was completely different. We came from completely
different lives, but so timing, yes, for sure.
But I was ready. I remember being in my therapist’s office and saying, I just feel
ready for the right kind of person, like, like ready to bring on that adventure and
not go after someone who’s like facing the other way or isn’t giving me all or
things that felt safer when I was younger.
So and I could feel and she goes I feel like you’re ready too, you’ll have it,
you’ll have it. So I just felt into
um the desire for it wasn’t like this longing and painful desire that I had had in
the past you know you know again I was in my 50s and had had relationships, a lot
of them, but um I felt different and I felt ready to welcome sort of the unknown
and let’s see and um
so We were long -distance for the first three years, and then I was just like,
“We’ve got to be together. We need to be together,” because it was kind of like
not nurturing me or him, I think. So we embarked. He sold his house in Connecticut,
and the kids were out. He was waiting for those three years. His youngest was still
at home. The other two were in college, the two girls, and the youngest was at
home. But when he went off to college, David was really ready to move out of that
family home. So then he was ready to move out here. And I was like, what did I say, I
just went to
my therapist, I was like, quickly like, what do we do? What do I do now? And he
so she met him. And to answer your other question, I think she,
my therapist said, oh, he’s good. Oh, oh, she had been seeing me for 25 years with ones that I
thought were fantastic. And they were, they were great. I loved being in love.
I love still love being in love. And I was with mostly good guys.
but I couldn’t see, I needed her point of view.
She knew me intimately and she got a hit from him and she said, he’s so present,
he’s a grownup, he’s a man, he can handle you, bring it, bring it. And I have
ever since and so has he and it’s that, there’s something to be said for being
more mature, dealing, having dealt with our own paths, been on our own paths,
which have been completely different, you know, and then coming together at this time
in life. It’s, it’s great. It’s kind of like being young again. But there’s a
maturity and responsibility for with each other. So it’s not like when I was young
and just looking to them for everything to fill in all the holes and the blanks
and the needs.

BRIDGETT: Right. I think that’s really amazing too, because I feel like when I
was younger and I’ve been married for 33 years, I adore my husband. I’m lucky. But
I also felt this pressure that, okay, this is the way life goes. You, you do this,
you go to college right after college, you get married. And I mean, I’m happy I
married him. So he knows that.

COLLEEN: but you have a lot of friends that did that path and it didn’t work out

BRIDGETT: and I do feel like there’s a lot of pressure on younger
people I feel like it’s getting better I mean Colleen and I both have daughters
that are my daughter’s 29 your daughter’s 29 tomorrow but she is married but but
you know my daughter did not feel that pressure and so I’m really glad and I think
there’s something to be said for You’re not doing that until you knew it was right.
And so I think there is a relief until you knew it was going to be the right
thing. I mean, I have siblings that it happened to, they got married, followed that
path that they thought they were supposed to follow and it didn’t end up, you know,
they ended up getting divorced.

DAPHNE: I wonder if it was, I wonder, I’ll ask you guys, how long have you been married, Colleen?

COLLEEN:32 years. Okay. So I dated my high school, I married my high school sweetheart.

DAPHNE: Okay. I saw, I saw that. I was wondering if that was well, you must have dated your high school too.

BRIDGETT: I was well, college,

DAPHNE: I always knew I wanted to act and I started this when I was,
I flew out to LA. I was going to go to one of three colleges, New York, Carnegie,
NYU, Carnegie Mellon or UCLA. And I wanted to be in LA, because that’s where the
thing was. So I, that industry, entertainment business, I always knew I wanted to do
this. So I do feel like my partner throughout the years, my commitment in the early
years has been my career. You, and I’ve had peers over the years who fell in love,
got married, started a family, and
I just didn’t know how that was ever going to fit when I’ve got acting class and
auditions. And I come from my parents’ split when I was six and I have one sister
and I have a half brother. And so I didn’t really have the model of a home of
this kind of connected place where people all are, we moved a lot. So I think it’s
how we’re modeled, like you’re saying,
But I, how I was modeled, how I was sort of conditioned, really fit being an actor
because, you know, I’d start to get jobs right away and you’re in Dallas for a
month. You’re in Spokane for a month. Then I was here. Then I was in New York
City. Then I was, you know, you’re just like that. And I just kept going. So,
where,where some people who were conditioned and saw it growing up,
found a partner, you know, I didn’t really see that growing up. So I didn’t even,
that was, that was more scary for me than Hollywood 19. Wow,
wow. Yeah.