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Blog No. 4 is a continuation in the Freedom in your 50’s Series titled Freedom to End Your Day. This is one of my favorite earned freedoms and I value it every day that I can. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks, Colleen

FREEDOM TO END YOUR DAY

In this stage of life, I have earned the freedom to end my day.  Think about that, think about those simple words.  I have the power to say this day is over and I am done.   I can simply draw the curtains on the day and be excited to start a new one.

When I was young, I was told when my day would end.  In my desire to not miss out on anything, I bartered, begged and pleaded to stay up later.  It rarely worked and I couldn’t understand why.  Did those 8 or 9 hours really make such a difference?   It was not until I became a parent that I realized why mine were so stern on bedtime.  In fact, it was less about my need for sleep and more about them being able to maintain their sanity.  Four daughters must have been quite the juggling act. It was when my older daughter starting negotiating her bedtime that I realized I owed my mom another in a growing list of apologies.

In college and graduate school, all nighters were a necessity.  I had papers or finals that required me to study well past a “bedtime”.  I was young and one day just rolled into the next.  When I was a young attorney working crazy hours, I remember hearing over and over  “you can sleep when you’re dead.” Sadly, a morbid and totally accurate statement of that time in my life.

When my girls were born, my older daughter had her days and nights mixed up for the first 8 weeks of life.  I literally thought I would lose my mind from lack of sleep. Each day had the same pattern, wake up with the children and when they went to bed, switch gears to wife and organizer. As you probably have guessed, I am a bit of a control freak and I would not end my day until all of that was complete.

Once the girls became teenagers and were busy with their own lives, you would think that I could have chosen when my days would be over.  Actually, that’s when you start to worry about them being out at night or at a sleepover.  Are they safe, who is driving, when will they be home were questions that kept me awake and alert until they arrived safely or at least called to say they were ok.

Once the girls left for college, I gave myself the gift of throwing away the alarm clock.  I spent 20 plus years getting up each morning to get them ready or as they got older, to keep them company.  It was liberating and exciting to be able to wake up naturally, letting my body set the alarm.  At the time, It didn’t cross my mind that I could choose when to end the day as well.

It was like winning the lottery when I figured this out, well not the $10 million dollar lottery but a $50,000 one at least. It happened shortly after the girls left for college. I am an early to bed type person which never boded well with children, work or life.  I never liked to say that I was too tired to help anyone I love.  Suddenly, there were no immediate demands on me late at night. I could end the day at my choosing without unfinished business, guilt of motherhood or ruminating about what to do tomorrow.  I love sleep and I still get giddy just thinking about it.

At first, my friends didn’t believe me when I would say that I shut down at 10:00.  They would laugh and think I was kidding.  Inevitably, we would be out somewhere and I would say that it was close to 10:00 and I would be leaving to go home.  I would get the typical “but you can’t leave, we are not done” or “you can’t be serious, you don’t have to be home yet” and my response was and still is “thank you but I am done with today”.  It was a great day and I am happy to look forward to the next one.   Don’t like it, then don’t invite me out to late evenings.

I am now free from working around someone else’s schedule. I say when I am done with the day and go to my room and close the door.  It took a while for my husband and family to get onboard, but they are used to it now.  They will joke and say it’s mom’s bedtime, as if some circle of life reference.  I don’t look at it as too old stay up, I consider it a gift to choose the start and end to my day.  

We earn many rights as we get older.  An invaluable one is the choice of a day’s length.  No parent, stack of work or wailing child will dictate that. You have earned it, take it and enjoy the glorious sleep that your quiet mind deserves.  That is unless you are perimenopausal or menopausal, then insomnia and night sweats may keep you up. Good luck with that.