Childfree by Choice: A Conversation with Dr. Amy Blackstone

https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/5nfeag/Childfreebychoice1_Editedaxzbi.mp3

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Children and starting a family have always been controversial topics, especially when it comes to midlife. For many people, both men and women, the idea of not having kids seems implausible. Stigmas and stereotypes placed on couples who choose not to have children have been around for years, and yet, so few couples are given platforms to share their perspectives and disprove false facts. Amy Blackstone, an author and professor of Sociology, is a woman who is using her own story of choosing not to have children to help give a voice to others who feel the same way.

In today’s episode, we started by asking Amy about her personal journey and what led her to her decision to not have children. Surprisingly enough, Amy told us that as a teenager, she spent a majority of her time babysitting and taking care of kids. She always thought she would have children, but as she got older and more of her friends began getting pregnant, she realized that she just didn’t feel the same need to have kids that they did. After seeing how little research there was that talked about women who choose not to have kids, she decided to share her own story. We asked why there is such a negative connotation surrounding not have kids, and Amy told us that it comes from our history. From spinsters, to nuns, to bachelors, society has placed negative stereotypes on people who are single or do not have children, especially people of color. For the problems people have surrounding the word “choice”, Amy spoke about how for many people, they never stop to think about there being a choice with having kids. We then brought up the idea of selfishness and not having kids. Amy brought up the point that, despite stereotypes saying that people who choose not to have children are selfish, couples without kids are actually very giving. Studies show that people without children are more likely to volunteer for longer hours, serve leadership roles in organizations and donate higher portions of their income.

We then discussed why women put off being parents until later in life or choose not to have kids. Amy explained that for a lot of women, they want to move ahead in their careers and seek opportunities that cause them to push back having kids. Also, due to medical and technological advancements, women are able to have children later in life. When addressing the stigmas surrounding being a “family” without children, Amy brought up the fact that there are two kinds of reproduction: sexual and social. For social reproduction, it involves helping build the next generation by teaching them values. These roles do not only need to be fulfilled by parents; teachers, advisors, and other adult figures in a person’s life can be influential. We then asked about the backlash that couples who choose not to have children receive, and she told us that some people take offense to it because they believe it insinuates judgement against parents or parenthood as a whole. Society has started to change its perspective on not having children, and Amy attributes a portion of that change to the fact that more people are willing to speak up about their stories. Not only that, but there are more platforms allowing for these men and women to tell their experiences. We asked if Amy’s husband, Lance, would have any advice for men who don’t want children and are feeling judged, and Amy said that the most important thing those men can do is to be open about their feelings to feel less alone.

Amy Blackstone

Dr. Amy Blackstone is a professor of Sociology at the Margaret Chase Smith Policy Center at the University of Maine as well as an author. Her newest book, Childfree by Choice, delves into the history and steadily increasing movement of adults choosing not to become parents and how that impacts our current society. As stated on her website, when Amy isn’t working or doing her research, she “enjoys roller derby- both as a super fan and, in a past life, while skating as Wined Up, collecting frequent flyer miles, tasting and sometimes cooking kick-ass foods of all type, and appreciating wine” (Blackstone).