DIANE FARR: EPISODE LINK

TRANSCRIPT:

Bridgett: Welcome back to hot flashes and cool topics podcast everybody today We have on DianeFarr and you probably know Diane far from fire country. Welcome to the show Diane

Diane: Thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah.

Bridgett: Well, it’s it’s really an interesting concept

Fire Country Which I know is it based on some truth where a convicted felon can

reduce their time served by fighting wildfires. How did how did you react to taking

on this role?

Diane: It came to me at the end of the pandemic. So like most people, I was pretty eager

to get to work period.

I have three kids and I had had a rule for 15 years but I only worked in LA and

only in comedy and only in cable because those are the shortest schedules in

television and it would keep me from spending my whole life on a set and their

whole life with a nanny. So by this point they were pretty old we had been

together for two years and when this came in they were like you have an offer for

this show but it shoots in Canada and I said let me that Let me let me have a

look at it. So the the two writers I create that wrote it with Max who created it

I’ve known for a long time and they know my kids and they’re Excellent writers and

I thought yeah, this might really be worth it. It had more heart than most TV

pilots start off with you know We all everybody wants to stay in a safe format

that they think is gonna work But because it was dealing with inmate firefighters,

it had this whole redemption theme about who’s a good guy and who’s a bad guy.

And what do we say in society about people? Do we write them off forever? Is there

another chance? So it was like a perfect cocktail. And it was one of those jobs

from the second you got on it that you were like, this is gonna go for a long

time.

Bridgett- Yeah, yeah, It was wasn’t it number one was it yes.

Diane: Yeah for that for that when it started that

Bridgett: it’s really amazing and you played

firefighters before which is really

Diane: I’m right it’s my third time playing a firefighter the most famous one being Rescue

Me and I only have two uncles. They’re both firefighters like it My casting people

are a little bit of a mystic sometimes I think. My real life boyfriend is one of

the directors on our show and his name is Eagle and Billy Burke was wearing a hat

the other day with an eagle on it and I was looking at him and asking he’s like

yeah if I was going to identify with an animal that’s the one I most identify with

and I was like my god the casting people really did a

so funny. They didn’t know, you know, he wasn’t even my boyfriend at the time,

but it’s just really funny when they get it all right. So if there’s something in

my energy that screams Firefighter over, yeah.

Colleen: What this show, you’ve done series before obviously, and you just said you knew it

was going to go for a long time. What is it? What sense do you get when you read

a script that this is going to go for a while.

Diane: There are certain franchises that people like, right? We have law, we have medical,

we have police, and we have firefighters to a lesser degree because it’s an exciting

time to see people. In theory, you’re seeing them in a life or death situation,

which heightens the drama. So you get a lot of those scripts, but they don’t have

any heart. They feel like they were just made for the formula. But because this was

about inmate firefighters trying to put themselves back in society through

firefighting, it just gave you a whole other layer. And then Joan and Tony are so

good. That’s the writers that wrote out the script with Max from his totally

personal, real ideas.

They were sort of making it about a family more than just a firehouse.

So, you know, I am a diehard Grey’s Anatomy fan from the beginning, and I was

dying to see who’s gonna bump into who there. But I think that in most instances,

other than Grey’s, that Kett’s really old. (laughs) – Yeah, of who are we stopping?

So then the idea of looking at a family and how did they keep working together

really gave me like Friday night lights vibe or LA Law, just any of those really

longstanding ones because they were dealing with more character than franchise.

Bridgett: – Right, and it is the role of being the mother of one of the inmates is it’s

really it brings this whole other element in when you’re having to deal with your

your child Having these issues and they’re working with you.

Diane:  So It’s it’s really amazing we can do that forever right this is Yeah, I’ve ever had

where I played the matriarch like I played a mom before. The first time I played a

mom, I think the girl was eight years younger than me. It was ludicrous. But now I

am fully of an age where I could be Bodhi’s mother. But there’s also just the

archetype of what a matriarch is, you know, it’s sort of like a queen in a sense.

And I never took jobs where I was just a straight up romantic interest. Like I was

never an ingenue. I don’t have any “save me” energy. I don’t really need to be

rescued. But this was the first time I was like, oh, I see. And it was,

it was a weird transition on set in my own head. And then I really just had the

presence of mind to be like, what do I wish somebody showed me when I started? Why

don’t I, why don’t I take on that role of how to ask for things or which things

to ask for. And that’s been a pleasure because again I feel like most women we see

the meta easier than we see the singular and I have a hard time when I’m hired to

do a singular job to stay in my lane. My brain is going faster than that usually

so this character gets to look at the meta all the time which is amazing.

Colleen: You also mentioned in an interview recently that it was nice to have a partner

who’s your age over 50 as opposed as opposed to that age disparity where one

partner or a child is eight years younger than you and you play their mother. What

was that like to actually have someone who is your age playing your partner?

Diane:  It’s so wonderful. It’s ridiculous. I mean, it’s, it’s so much easier for me as the

female when I’m not in this inherent lie when I’m pretending to be a peer with

someone who is old enough to be my dad, but also he and I have the same amount

of experience. So we can negotiate a scene in the most productive way,

in the best way for the script itself. He’s arguing to get to his truth and he

understands if he changes three of his lines that it has a tremendous effect on

mine. So we are both capable of looking at something other than just our side of

the story and then to have a partner that can go back and forth with you where

I’m not apologizing for having a voice because we’re the same age and I don’t have

to sort of bow down because this person clearly knows more than I do.

It’s wonderful. I think Vince and Sharon like, I think people like Vince and Sharon

so much, because we treat each other like equals, and we come off like equals.

Bridgett: Right. And that’s such a great message just to people out there is, okay, this is

what a relationship should look like. And, you know, I’ve seen interviews to where

you’ve said, you know, this actor’s like some actor it’s well over your age.

And it’s established that you can’t say anything. You know, you feel like you can’t

do that. What, you know, being on a set with all of like the fires that they have

on there, that, is that just terrifying or what is that like? What’s happening when

all of these things are happening on the set?

Diane: – It’s just really exciting. It’s not dangerous once you’re there, there are so many safety meetings, there’s so many departments involved. Before we get onto the set, they had to practice and rehearse them. So once we’re in turnout gear, we shoot in Canada, so it’s really cold and we shoot outside, not inside building fires for the most part. It’s so

cold out, the gear we have on is totally fireproof. We will go and stand against

the fire on It takes like they get mad at us ’cause the gloves we have are

fireproof and I will hold onto the pole where the fire is coming out of. And

they’re like, stop it ’cause now we have to reach out the fire thing. ‘Cause my

gloves can’t go on fire but it’ll keep me warm. So the fire feels far less

dangerous than sex scenes or having to cry at the exact moment.

The fire just becomes like a nothing burger over time.

Bridgett:  Oh, okay. Cause that, that kind of terrified me.

Well, and it’s not your first time playing a firefighter. So you’re kind of used to

it.

Colleen: Yeah. I read, I read the article you wrote about, um, sex scenes and how

unsexy a sex scene is. And I would love to talk to you about the fact that you’re

so honest in it and it really makes people realize that. I mean you start off by

saying they apologize sometimes they get it and sometimes they don’t. What made you

want to write this and how uncomfortable is it really to do those sex scenes?

Diane: Sometimes it depends on your partner but to me always the most uncomfortable thing is even when they lock down a set, there’s a minimum of 15 to 20 people in the

room with you. So you’re trying to do a very choreographed thing and we all know

there are certain positions my body looks good in and there are certain positions it

looks awkward in. So I got to try and keep myself in the position I want and I

have to hit this choreography in the right timing and then make you feel something

while I’m doing it. So it’s like you can’t really be wild and out there while

you’re being self -conscious So that’s the most uncomfortable piece is the people in

the room that are watching you do it. So it’s so choreographed I Don’t think I’ve only ever had one or two times where it felt like maybe the the the co -partner the person in my and had a design on me more than the scene. And that was their problem. I’m like, that isn’t what made me uncomfortable. What made me uncomfortable was, am I going to be able to make it sexy while I’m trying to hit the choreography? You know, like a dance of any kind,

you can’t make it flashy and fun until you really have those steps down. So you

never have enough time to get those steps down. The step down. I do ride a

motorcycle in real life now. That’s why we have it on the show because I ride one

in real life. I went on a horseback riding trip with my kids and it got a little

perilous by the end. I was like, I would never get on another person’s motorcycle

because I know the temperament of my inanimate object motorcycle. The horse feels

like the same thing, but now that horse can be hungry or tired or ill. It’s almost

the same thing with the sexy. You’re trying to work out the choreography of can I

hit all these gears at the time I’m supposed to, but there’s another person in

there and you also have to make it work with them. – And they make it look

believable. I don’t know, you it’s it’s awkward and I think some people are better

at it than others and I’m pretty comfortable with my own body I’ve definitely worked

with men and women that are so uncomfortable with their body that that’s mostly what

they’re thinking about so yeah it’s a it’s a strange level of intimacy at work and

you do a lot a lot of writing.

Colleen:  So you’ve been an author and you do a lot of writing. How, you know, do these things just like come to you and you just put it

out there? How does that go about with the writing? Yeah, it almost feels like

you’re bursting to say something.

Diane: So then it becomes, I’m going to go say this.

Who can I say it to? Who will listen to me about this? – I don’t think I’ve

pitched many things that don’t go because even with the sex scene, I think the

original title of that was what it feels like to be naked at work because people

think, oh, here’s this really hot actor and you get to make out with them. I’m

like, I’m not really making out. And it’s not really that sexy.

You’re bonded to them at the end of it, but you’re more like trauma bonded than

you are sexually bonded. (laughs)

Colleen: – Aw, well, I just, I thought it was so much, because then you say, “And we do it

20 more times.”

Bridgett:  So it’s like bad enough to do it one time. – To do it one time,

yeah, I could see the trauma bonding there too. I mean, gosh, how’d you get into

acting? Like, what was the start for you?

Diane:  I grew up in New York and I started modeling when I was really young. I was really tall. I feel like at the time in the early 80s in New York, it was like I was tall and I was thin and you were walking down the street and I was like, “Hey, come put on these clothes and we’ll

pay the tiniest amount of money possible, but you’ll get that little inch of

prestige.” And I did that from, I think I started at 12 or 13 all the way up to

college and by college I wanted to travel and I wanted to be a diplomat and I

started in a pre -law major and it was so boring and I was being told over and

over. It doesn’t matter if you can speak any languages, you’re gonna be in Guam as

a woman until you’re like 50. Like you can forget your dreams of France or Lebanon

or you know like exciting or cool whatever whatever you wanted it to be there like

no You’re gonna be in the middle of nowhere So I wandered into the theater

department and started doing things there and didn’t tell my parents for two years

By the time I confessed I had changed my major and They were furious.

I was the first person in my family to go to college they were like this is a

waste of money and time and you can never work again and my mother had the

presence of mind to say you don’t want to be an actor you want to be a star you

better go learn how to act. So I transferred to a college in England and I have

this really old -fashioned Shakespeare theater training which did very little for me.

It definitely washed off the idea, you know, today we have influencers who can

become anything they want, but at the time it seems like, oh, she’s really a model.

She’s not an actress. So that was all wiped away. And it was a really slow burn,

I think, because of the thing I said earlier, because I did not have an ingenue

quality. I did not have a little, a little lass that needed to be rescued from a

lily pad. There was none of that. I didn’t really work regularly until I was

getting close to 30, where the formidability that I carry or the strength that I

carry could be paired with men in their 40s and 50s.

And then it started to work. I was never– I mean, I’ve played the love interest,

but I never straight up love interest. I think I’m more heady than that. So by the

time I hit 30, I also had had a little bit more life experience, which made me a

better employee. And then it went well from there.

Bridgett:  And you were on love lines with Dr. Drew. It’s so funny, my husband used to listen to that all the time and I would hear him in the basement just burst out laughing at things. And I’d be like, what are you doing? What are you laughing at? But he, I was telling him, I

said, you know, I’m going to interview Diane Farr tomorrow that was on “Love Lines.”

What, you know, what was that like working on that? That you had to hear all kinds

of crazy things on there.

Diane: – There’s non -stop crazy things. – That was a really good

one. So I’ve been in LA for like two years and I couldn’t get arrested. Like I

had done like some great Broadway shows in New York and I moved to LA and it was

a whole other year. I didn’t understand what was expected of me in auditions and

somehow I went in for this audition to co -host this thing and on the bottom of my

resume, my pay the rent job in New York, sorry, in LA when I moved there,

was I was teaching acting in a maximum security men’s prison. And it’s set it on

the bottom of the resume. So they asked me to come in because of that. They

thought, well, if she can handle that, some question about is not going to make her

roll off the couch here at Love Line. So I screen tested for that and for party

of five on the same day. So I was either going on this very established show or I

was going to be a sex expert and you know everybody in my life was rooting for

the party of five and I was like no I think I think I can use my voice so

that’s where I started writing. So I got that job and it was really like being Ed

McMahon to the two guys who had been doing it for a long time. We used to shoot

four shows a day on Thursdays and Fridays around their radio schedule.

We’d shoot 200 episodes in a season. It was so intense,

but because of it, I started writing for magazines. And then the magazines just

didn’t really understand women. Like they were trying to sell products, obviously. So

the first book I wrote was a retort to how stupid they were treating it.

We are much more complex than this. So it was giving me everything that I needed.

But man, was that a wild couple of years. It was also the most fame I ever had.

It was on every day and it was very racy subject matter. So and it’d be in public

airports, I had to move, some people broke into my house, my car. It was,

and you make no money on MTV. It was just nonstop visibility. So it was a very

interesting argument to my mother’s early idea that I just wanted to be famous. It

became very clear to me that I was like, I don’t want to be famous, I actually

want to act. I asked to leave Love Line after two years because I was like, I

don’t have enough money for this much to do. – Yeah, yeah. – I think it went on

the Drew Carey show after that. And I was really, it was very clear. I was like,

no, I actually want to act. So that was one of the great things that came out of

that job.

Bridgett:  – Yeah. Well, that, yeah, that was, you know, I can see you definitely,

it comes across no nonsense.

Diane: You know, or, You know, I don’t even say you have

fun, but it’s like, okay, let’s get real. Let’s have something out here for, for

women out here.

Colleen: So it was, was it the girl code? Was that the book that you

wrote?

Diane: Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was like the secret language of single women and the

code of ethics amongst girlfriends. I was like, if you keep losing your lady friends

year after years, place after place, job after job. Here’s why.

Colleen: You have really consistently worked throughout since then.

And do you find what is your take on Hollywood for the women over 50 or really

the over 50 actor and Um, has it changed? Are there more roles available?

Diane: I think right up until this strike, there were definitely more roles available

because we were in like a boom town. It was like everybody was making content and

nobody was really worried if people were watching it or not. So there were a few

years there where there was just all content all the time. And since the SAG strike

that has really slowed down, I feel like most people I know are not working and

it’ll it’ll find its way again. I think There are Roles for women over 50.

I have the hardest time in the transition between Leading Lady to matriarch like

it’s a big jump like I was the right age to play an older woman But I didn’t

quite have that energy yet So It’s just a transition from one to the other,

but most of our stories are still focused around finding the person you want to

breed with. You know, like there are much more interesting stories coming out of

British television because they’re not so consumed with, “Will I meet you? Will we

get married? Will we have babies?” It’s like the titillation of finding a love

partner is still the main center I feel like of most American dramas.

So there’s roles, it’s just do they have any meat to them? Is it worth it? And by

the time you get to my age, if you have a big life, if you have a home to take

care of, possibly a partner that you’re in a relationship with that you don’t want

to be away, kids that you’re trying to raise, starts to come down to is this role

worth it? Yes, there’s solvency and we all need to make money.

So I just feel like we can still do a better job at writing formidable women over

50.

Bridgett: And you know, you have your kids are teenagers now.

And so how has that been now working on the show? And then you have teenagers as

well. How’s that work it out? It’s better than most. I love little babies like zero

to five. If you sit next to me with a baby on the plane, all I want to do is

get that baby from you so I can hold it and play with it and cuddle it

inappropriately. I love the baby. And then from five to 15, they exhaust me.

(laughing) – I couldn’t wait for my kids to be old enough to have more in -depth

conversations and really just look at like, who do you want to be? What do you

want to do in the world, what do you want to give to the world? When the pandemic

ended and we had all been home for two years, I was really like, I think if I go

away, this is going to help them. Because everybody was mad at mom all the time

for everything. I was the root of all their sorrows. So the first season I took

them to Canada for three months and we lived in a tiny little apartment and they’re

LA kids which is like living in a suburb so they went a little crazy and then

they were like we’re never doing that again and they lived with dad full -time in

LA. We’ve been divorced like six years by then and my ex -husband bless him.

I don’t know many men that could have three kids on their own but it was a strain

on everyone. I found a boarding school for the girls. I was like what’s my twins

were going in, they were in eighth grade, the first year. So I was like,

what’s the most exciting version of high school? If I get to go away for a job

and the job brings in a really big income, where can I send them? We found a

school in Switzerland where they go skiing all the time. And I was like, this is

better than being home with mom. Like I really did stay home for 14 years. We all

like that much better. My son was so happy to be alone with dad. So I have the

dad role. I have him in the summer. I have him over Christmas and Thanksgiving and

every other weekend when I’m shooting, he comes up once a month and I go down once

a month. And the hardest part is the guilt. Like as a female, if you’re not doing

absolutely everything and there are still an enormous amount of things like dentist

cleanings that I’m doing while I’m on set, you know, like scheduling. Yeah.

Oh my god. The and like flying home for eight hours so I can see one water polo

game and doesn’t care if I’m there or not. But my own guilt, I hate being a

spectator at sports, but it’s part of the job. So it has worked out so much better

for everyone. My son will go away to college next year. And I literally was pushing

him towards the schools I can get to easily from Canada. You know, he’s looking at

University of Miami at one point, I was like, I will never see you.

Thank God, there is yet another one of those horrific storms in Ron DeSantis and

not done anything to take care of the world. So he gets stuck in an airport for

three days and he says, “No Miami !” Oh, wow. And I didn’t mean to laugh at that,

everybody. I just, I mean, no. I’m not laughing at what happened in Florida, but I

get it. I get what you mean. Before the hurricane. There was no, there was no

imminent threat. There was just too much rain and it shut down the state for three

days. Right. He finally saw what I I say, I’m like, you cannot come home if you

have a fever. You cannot, like no one’s coming to help you, love. – Right,

fear that far away. – No one’s coming to save you. So, yeah, I mean, and LA is so

far from Florida too. Like if his dad tried to get there. Oh my goodness. – It’s a

damn thing. Like, I was like, none of us can help. Like this isn’t a great place

to start. You can transfer here, but let’s start like that where there’s like an

option for a long weekend when you’re tired so it’s it’s been good but the the mom

guilt is is real and and not really helpful to them or to me so I work on it

Bridgett: yeah I mean that makes so many women feel that I know I felt that and and I

didn’t you know I was just like when I’ve taught at school if I had to go to a

meeting and I couldn’t be here there and oh my gosh. And I don’t know, I find, do

you find women placed that guilt on each other? Or do you do I feel like I felt

like I felt more guilt from women, which I love women, but I felt more guilt from

women than from men.

Diane: I don’t know. Yeah. I didn’t I didn’t really know any when

preschool started and I met stay at home moms for the first time and they’re the

Moms that I were meeting were like Ivy League educated women who immediately went

into making families. Like their job had always been family. And I feel like they

took all the ambition they had for school and they put it towards family, be that

snack or play dates or what activities their kids were in.

And I felt enormous pressure. And I don’t know if they were putting it on me or I

was just looking at the choices I had made by that time. I know when someone is

impressed with my job and I know when someone is leery of me because of my job

and that makes sense too. And then it felt like there was a camp of women that

were like, this is what we do. And it felt like it was tinged with ours. It’s

more important, but I never know if that was my own guilt. guilt, projecting onto

them.

I never even my ex -husband, I remember saying, “We’re gonna need a night nurse.” I

can’t remember if it was with my son or when I had twins, like 16 months later.

And he tried to say like, “No, no, we’ll just do it.” And I said, “Okay, so we

both work. So do You want to stay up at night? Like there was, he never guilted

me into anything, but the privilege was real. The assumption was that it was going

to get done and that meant I was going to get it done. And then my nature, I

feel like most mothers nature is, I will do everything. And I did do everything.

I think by the end of the pandemic, that’s what I’ve seen the effects of in my

young teenagers of you’re supposed to do everything. Right. Like,

I don’t think I’ve done the many papers now. So let me take some time and roll

that back.

Bridgett:  Right. And like you said earlier, mom’s the one that gets everything.

Diane: Yeah, everything comes down on mom when it doesn’t do right. Yeah, we are the

emotional keeper of the family. And even when I was dating,

I was aware that women were the keeper of intimacy. If I, most of my dating life,

I had a job where I made more money than the guy and I had to travel more than

the guy. And if I was cool with that, he was cool with that. And when I finally

wanted to slow down and be in one place, he was cool with that. And I was like,

Oh, this is me. So I’m determining how much depth is in here, how much emotional

closeness is in here. I’m sure there, I come from a matriarchal line of women.

I’m sure there are women in relationships with men where the man is setting the

tone for most things, but that was never my experience. So with age,

I’ve also imparted to my daughters early on. We can get a lot of things done.

So sometimes on a date, do nothing. Don’t carry the conversation. Don’t make any

plans and see if that person’s bringing anything to you because if they’re not, that

might not be the person you want to date.

Bridgett:  That is really good advice. I think I’m

going to tell my daughter that.

Colleen: See, we share the wisdom on the show. And I do think, you know,

with age comes the wisdom, and it does release some of the guilt. I mean,

I think that mommy guilt is so strong when they’re younger, but as you start to

get older and you realize they’re okay, they’re doing just fine, then it’s the guilt

kind of releases a little bit, or at least I hope it does for you. Our kids are

in their 20s and 30s though,

Diane:  Then then there’s the guilt, you know, back at

you that there’s always. Oh, yeah. Yeah. (in the show Fire Country)is Bodie in jail because Sharon screwed it

all up. Yeah.

Colleen: What can we expect for this new season?

Diane: The first two years were really about

redemption, like a, like a Jesus character, right? He’s, he’s trying to win back his

place in society, and this season he has it, so this year’s about legacy. So first

of all, it’s what kind of man does he want to be? Who does he get to be if he’s

not an orange? If people aren’t judging him right out of the gate, and (wearing) orange

because that’s what the inmates were on the show, and for Sharon, it’s this thing

that we’re talking about right here. If her, Everybody in the show works at the

firehouse. But if her actual job, if the job of her heart was to save her son and

to rescue her kid and to lure him out of the darkness, if that job is done,

who is Sharon? So it’s a little bit of, oh,

I may not be doing him any favors, just like I have with my own kids. So I

really shouldn’t get involved with getting him a job. I really shouldn’t get involved

in his love story and make that work or make that not work. So she’s trying to

figure out who she is if she’s not there to save her kid.

Colleen: Okay, we can look forward to that.

Diane:  Well spoiler everybody. And it’s so just mom

relatable, not even the same situation, but the thing that a mom feels it’s

Colleen:  It’s that, it’s that emotion that’s on the surface and it’s so, and it’s so great and

you do such a great job and we really appreciate you coming on today.

And thank you for all you’re doing because, you know, your writing is wonderful and

it’s very expressive and I think it touches a lot of people as well. So thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on. We appreciate it.