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Transcript:

Bridgett:  Hello.Welcome back to Hot Flashes and Cold Topics video podcast today.

Yay.hope you can hear us okay.I think you

Colleen: I’m just moving my microphone around.All right.

Bridgett: I’m Bridgett

Colleen: I’m Colleen.And today, we are gonna talk about something that a lot of people commented and said they’d like to talk about.

Bridgett: Yes.

Colleen: We did a, a little survey of what women in our demographic wanted to talk about and we actually did it in our newsletter. So, if you’d like to join our newsletter, you can go in the comments below. It will have the link for the newsletter to sign up. And we asked like 4 different questions. Mm-hmm.And by far, Bridgett, what was the winner?

Bridgett: It was how to break up with a friend and that is

Colleen: – Drum roll.

Bridgett hard.

Colleen: That is so- Yeah.hard.

Bridgett: It’s really true.

Colleen: – Have you had to do that?

Bridgett: Yeah, and, and it’s,I’m awful at it. I’m terrible at it.

Colleen: Is anybody good at it?

Bridgett: No.

Colleen: And I think like before we actually talk about ways that we’ve found healthy to break, the healthiest way to break up, I think it’s important to understand we’re 57, and what we would put up with in friendships now, isn’t what we’re willing to put up with like we did- Like what we did in the past.

Bridgett: Yeah.

What, what we put up with before, we’re really not willing to put up with right now.

Bridgett: Right, right. And, you know, that’s different for everybody. Your threshold is different.

Colleen: But someone once told me when I was in my 20s, and I’ve stood by this, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and it is okay that it doesn’t last forever. That a friendship, sometimes it’s organic, sometimes it’s location, or sometimes it just-

Bridgett: Yeah.has to be done. Right.It has to be done, but, you know, like when your kids are little and you’re friends with all the Mommy and Me groups- Mm-hmm.and then actually kids go to different schools and they get older.Move, they goYeah, right.It’s like a natural thing. Right.

Colleen: You know, but as we get older, and we’ve spoken, I think a great example is Dan Buettner- Yeah.of Blue Zones.They talk about the power 9 of cen- 10 centenarians?Cent- Centenarians?

Bridgett: Well, people over 100.

Colleen: I’m sorry, centenarians. People over the age of 100.Yeah.And -One of the power nines is that you have a close circle of positive friends. So, maybe 5 people, but, you know, things like obesity and smoking and eating crap, that’s contagious, he feels.Mm-hmm.So, I think as we get older, we’re more sli-We don’t need quantity.

Bridgett: Right.We need quality.

Colleen: Yes, and, you know, it’s, there’s so many factors that play into this whole friendship thing.

Bridgett: And, you know, we knew we were gonna be discussing this, and last night, The Talented Mr.Ripley comes on TV. And I’m watching and I’m like, “Sometimes you’ve got someone with mental health issues-

Collen: Yeah.that, uh, you know, that really, that was the extreme.

Bridgett: “If you’ve seen that movie with Matt Damon and Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow- a very good movie, but sometimes people, you know, you get a little bit nervous about, uh, hurting someone’s feelings. That, that is my thing.I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

Colleen: Right.

Bridgett: But it does get to a point where it is to-Well, toxic.

Colleen: Toxic.

Bridgett: Yeah, it’s just- toxic to you, or just, it is, or it’s interfering with your home life or your life with your partner.

Colleen: Um, then that’s a problem.

Bridgett: Right, or it’s putting you into situations that you would not be in ’cause I had a college friend that would shoplift all the time.

Colleen: Oh, that’s trouble.

Uh hu, shoplift all the time, like- steal, and I did not wanna-

Colleen: That’s you in very uncomfortable-

Bridgett:  Yes.and possibly- I, Ior could possibly- Yeah, yeah.Like, what is it?Guilty by association? I mean, that is not who I am all about, and that really made me nervous. Like, it, it was kind of a situation

Colleen: – So how did you break up

Bridgett: moved like she Moved places. Okay. So, that person lived near me in a dorm and actually was my roommate for a little bit. And they left, so just never spoke to

Colleen: – So that was like a clean break?

Bridgett: That was a clean break, and a lot of mine have been clean breaks.

There are times when something happens that it is just like, “No, I can’t. I cannot.” Or where they’ve insulted something or something in my belief system that is so strong that I’m just like, “I, I don’t wanna talk to this person anymore. “And usually that situation was not super close friendship.

Colleen: Right. Those are a little bit easier.

Bridgett: But when it’s, you know, when somebody you feel really badly for because of their situation in life, but what’s, what they are doing is just putting you, uh, you know, in just, I don’t know. And stress that-

Colleen:  Right. Your friendship shouldn’t cause that kinda stress.

Bridgett: Right.

Colleen: That’s not a healthy. That’s not a healthy relationship, and if you can’t set a boundary that you feel comfortable with, it is okay.

Bridgett: Right

Colleen: If you take away nothing else from this show, it is okay to break up with friends. You are not, you know, an indentured servant.

Mm-hmm.It is okay to put yourself first and say, “I am not comfortable in this friendship anymore.” And-Just by way of example, I had a friend, Bridgett knows who I’m talking about, and did everything with them, um, when I first moved to Tennessee and made excuses for some behavior that I was uncomfortable with because they were my friend, and to be perfectly honest, it wasn’t until the elections came about, and of course that’s relatable to everybody, that it became kind of uncomfortable to the point where I was avoiding having to see this person. And so, what I did was for my own mental health, I snoozed Facebook for 30 days towards election time, and when the person found out, they blocked me. Mm-hmm. And they haven’t spoken to me since, which is a blessing in disguise I guess, because not every relationship I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Bridgett: They blocked me too, but I didn’t-snooze them. Guilty by association.

Colleen: There you go.

But it’s, it’s- Yeah.  It was affecting my health. Yes. It was affecting- Yeah.my stress. It was bad enough, whatever side of the political spectrum you’re on. That’s not the issue, but when the person that you’re supposed to gain support and understanding from is causing you to be uncomfortable-and you’re stressed at the very thought of being alone with them, and that’s another big thing. Like if you are stressed about being alone with this person, there’s a way to make it where if you don’t want to end the friendship, you can only see them when you’re in groups of people which can dilute it.

Bridgett: Yeah, and sometimes, sometimes you can’t avoid that.

You can’t avoid that. You can’t tell someone else they can’t be friends with someone.   No. We’re not doing that.

Colleen: Right. Exactly. You know, we’re adults now. You don’t do that.

Bridgett: But there are situations where you’re going to have to see that person.

Collen: Right.

Bridgett: And, and you know, if you can remain cordial, you know-

Colleen: Yeah.

Bridgett: the best you can avoid-

Colleen: It is easier said than done, but the best you can do to avoid, you know, that person, that’s what you can do, and I mean, I think you and I both have some notes

Bridgett: – Some notes that we did some research-

Colleen: Yeah, right. Because there are articles out there that talk about breaking up with friends.I think by the age of 50-something, you’ve done it at least once or 100 times, and there are different ways you can do it. They call a slow- Mm-hmm, kind of a slow burn friendship where it just peters out naturally I think is the least stressful. And, and probably least harmful.

Bridgett: Right. You know, like es- especially if someone’s got a mental health issue. You know, especially that, and that one, you really want that person to get help, but sometimes the situations are so- So hard, that you don’t have the bandwidth to help them.

Colleen: Right.

Bridgett: You just don’t even have it.

Colleen: And, and we all have that friend that is a friend to you when they need something.

Bridgett: Mm-hmm.

Colleen: I call it shelf friends.

Bridgett: Oh.

Colleen: They put you on a shelf and when they need you, well, how is that helping you? How is that supporting you? How is that being positive energy in your life?

Bridgett: And- Yeah, sometimes those are easier

Colleen: – Yeah.to, you know, kind of separate from, because they’re only contacting you when they need something. They need you.

Bridgett: Right. So- And you can become unavailable.

Colleen: Exactly. A good point. So that’s one way

Bridgett: – Yeah.to do it, where you just kind of separate naturally. It’s the probably least challenging.

Colleen: Never break up by text. You can’t do that in a relationship of any kind. You shouldn’t do that. No.No, no, no. You shouldn’t do that.

Bridget: Right? I mean, you shouldn’t.

Again, yeah, I mean all the notes, you know, that I found, I looked up on Reddit, too, because that is

Colleen: – Oh, Reddit is the best place to Oh, it is ’cause you just hear different things, but they do say face-to-face if possible. I mean, that’s a lot

Bridgett: – But there’s a mental health issue- If there’s a mental health or if you feel in danger, then no. You get yourself to safety. You know, that’s, that’s just that. And that’s rare except for then I’ll watch Talented Mr.Ripley and I’m like but you do hear about that happening. and you’re just like, “Okay, this is not safe,” and trying to be empathetic and trying to not make it their problem.

Colleen: Right. Like- It’s gotta be under I. It’s gotta be under I. I have to say, “I am not-” right. I’m feeling like things have changed. “Don’t put it on the other person because then they get defensive, and nobody’s listening to each other.

Bridgett: Right.

Colleen: And at this point, we would love to hear if you have a story

Bridgett: -Yes, about a breakup or things that worked for you.

Colleen: Please leave it in the comments below or if you’re listening to this episode, please email us at [email protected], because I think community- Mm-hmm.and conversation helps so many other people.

Bridgett: It does. And yeah, and if you’re, like, the one of the breakup, like, you know, when some- like Colleen said, shelf friends, when they only call you when they need you or they don’t answer your text or they don’t, you know, they don’t participate, you keep trying to include them, then there comes a point where you’re just like, you know, you’re just like, “I’m not gonna ask them anymore.

Colleen: “Right, exactly. Yeah. Or the opposite, they need you all the time. I had a friend when my kids were little who would call me every day before school started and I was like- Oh. “I’m getting my kids ready for school.”

Bridgett: gosh. That’s nightmare. Right. I had to just stop an- the only way I can handle it was I stopped answering the phone and then that person got the hint. But, so it’s- there’s 2 extremes with that, either they only need you sometimes or they need you all the time. Either way, that’s draining on and as we get older, positivity is so important in our health and in our longevity.

It doesn’t matter if you have 10 friends. You know, I heard somebody the other day talking about 40% of people do not have a best friend. And I always found that word odd because I mean, I’ve used it, everyone has. But people end up saying, “Oh, this is my best friend and this is my best friend and this is”The word best gets diluted- into great friends. But they said that 40% of people do not have a best friend. Mm-hmm. And if that’s the case, you shouldn’t feel- Yeah.as isolated because you can get what you need pieces of other people. Bridgett: it’s funny, one of the people I can consider one of my best friends, always says “one of my best friends”. One of my best friends, she’s so funny, she’s like, “This is my best friend from here and this is my best friend from there.”and it isn’t really your best. But, and that’s okay, you know. They know- Yeah, friends from different places and, but I always say one of my best friends, you know. That’s a good way to put it, because I’m like, I don’t have a best anything. I  guess I have a best husband ’cause I only have one.

Colleen: Yes, you’re allowed to one.

Bridgett: A best son and a best daughter ’cause I only have one of each, but, but I don’t have a best sister, I don’t have a best-

Colleen:  Oh, your sisters would not be happy. Oh no, there was 10.

Bridgett:  A best cousin, a best this.

Colleen: Right. You know? So, it kind of makes others feel bad when you say it.

If you’re sitting in a room with 5 other girlfriends and like, “This is my best friend” And they’re like, “What happened to me?” You know? Yeah. So sometimes you can get- Mm-hmm what you need in pieces from other people.  And that’s okay, too. I don’t think that we need to have a huge group of friends as we get older. Life experience has taught us, again, reason, season, lifetime.

Bridgett: I think I read in one of the books, it might have been Georgia and Karen and My Favorite Murderers book. What a great book. But that if you have, like, if you could count on your hand 5 close friends .So if you can count, you know, on your one hand 5 people that you could turn to in a situation, then you’re- you’re doing really well.

Colleen: You know, you really are.

Bridgett: And even if it’s only 2 or 3, that’s great, too.

Colleen: As long as you’re feeling supported- Mm-hmm.and happy, the number isn’t really relevant.

Bridgett: Um, really, what does it matter if you have one really, really good friend who you feel so supported and you can call in an emergency and you just feel like that person is your person? Right. However that there is lots of trust, you know, lots of trust there. I was reading Reddit yesterday about different situations where somebody confided in a very close friend and that friend told their mother and their mother told the whole doggone small town everything. And that’s, you know, when you’re- when your, uh, trust is broken.

Colleen: And that’s another reason. let’s go over a couple reasons where women kind of make a list:  why you feel this relationship’s not working, and if you stop telling them things because you’re afraid they’re gonna share it, so you don’t trust-you distrust-

Bridgett: or that you feel you’re gonna be judged.

Colleen: Oh, yeah. At this point, I don’t care what you think of me, like, get over it.

Bridgett: Yeah, and I don’t have the right to really judge. If you’re not hurting somebody, like, if you’re not abusing someone, um, I don’t have the right to judge you.

Colleen: Yeah.that that’s what makes you a good friend, because- It’s true. I mean, never feel unsupported

Bridgett: I mean, who am I to say what’s going on in somebody else’s life? My daughter always says, she told me this, “You don’t know their life.”‘Cause I used to be kind of snarky about things and- Well, when I might say something and she’s like, you don’t know their life. “And I’m like, “Oh my gosh, you’re right. I don’t know their life. “Right. I don’t know what’s going on.

Colleen: And if gossiping, if they’re gossiping about other people to you, they’re gossiping about you to others Again, if they really like to share too much information that you’re saying, “I don’t know if that person would’ve wanted you to tell me that.”Then more than likely- they’re telling that person something. So, like Bridgett said, slow closure is one way of doing it, where you just kind of not spend as much time with them, only in group situations. But if you’re gonna do one-on-one and if you feel comfortable sitting down at coffee shop or a home or outside, wherever you feel comfortable doing-Make sure, number one, that the terms you use are I. Not you did this to me. But you say, “I feel like, you know, our friendship may be” Start off, number one, with good things. So like, “I feel like we’ve had so much fun in this relationship. I feel like all of these good things are memories.” You know, if you took a trip, if you had a great time at a show .Start with positive things, but then be honest and say, “I just feel like we’ve kind of grown apart. “We’ve kind of gone our separate ways, and that’s okay because we have great memories to share.” And then listen to what they have to say. Like, don’t immediately want to defend. They’re allowed to share their feelings as well. It is, it is a communication. So you have to be prepared for that as well,- Bridgett: You have to be prepared for that, and maybe there’s something that will come up that you didn’t realize. Like, my gosh. Did I do this?” And, and, “I’m sorry I did that,” or, “That’s not the way I wanted it to come out, but I’m sorry,” you know, that happened.

Colleen: And you kind of have to stand your ground too- Yes. because there will be guilt involved, natural guilt. You don’t have to force more guilt on than necessary. So if they’re like, “Well, what if we tried this,” or, “What if we tried that? “If you feel like that’s something you wanna do, fine, but don’t be talked into it because your guilt. People pleasers, both of us.

Bridgett: And if you feel that, if you feel your shoulders tensing up or if you feel like this, you know, they say that the hair on the back of your neck stands up-you’re getting a sign. You are get-I’ve, I’ve really, you know, have really started to really trust my gut. If I’m in a situation:

Colleen: Spidey sense,

Bridgett: that situation where your body is tensing up, or you’re not feeling good about something, then, then you just, you know, it’s time to go on.

Colleen: It is okay to break up with a friend. It doesn’t make you a bad person. And if you do break up with them, understand that may cause a ripple effect with other friendships- because, like Bridgett said, you might still have to see the person, you know?

Bridgett: You may still be in groups where everyone else is friends.

Colleen: Now hopefully, that other person is mature enough to not speak poorly of you front of other people. All you can do is make sure you don’t speak ill of them.

Bridgett: Right, and another hint was, like, to give the mutual friends a head up, heads up. That’s optional too because you have to be careful there. Because if one of them tells that person? So you’ve gotta, you know, use your judgment there and see who you can trust in, that aspect too, because you never know.

Colleen: They might go tell that person- Right, because not see it coming, or they could actually agree with you. Wouldn’t it be nice if you sat down and said, “I have loved our time together, but I feel like we’re just going in different directions, and I will always carry fond memories-“but I don’t know that this is the healthiest relationship for us to be in.” And what if they turned around and said, “You know, I’ve been dying to tell you that. “Wouldn’t that be nice? And then you could get the complete opposite. “How dare you? “Yeah, or, you know, “You haven’t been a good friend to me. “And you have to, you know, try to sit there and listen, but don’t absorb things that you don’t feel are reality. Yeah.Like, if they tell you that you’re not a good person, well, that’s not true. Mm-hmm.And the guilt in you is gonna be like, “Well, of course I’m not a good,I’m breaking up with this person.

Bridgett:  but you know, we’ve all been through situations where somebody is saying something to you and you’re just thinking, “No, that’s wrong. “But you’re like, “Okay, I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of this situation. “Right.So you’re just kind of, like, nodding your head,

Colleen: And we’re at an age now where we’re-we’re less, we’re less vulnerable- because I think that we know ourselves and think we’re more selective. Some of those friendships are ones that you carry for a long time.Yeah.You know? That one’s really hard.  You know, like we’re saying reducing contact, gradual distances that way, you know.

You know, well, hello, what if they’re a family member?

Bridgett: Removing yourself from contact as much as you can I think is helpful in the beginning. Setting healthy boundaries.

Colleen: You can’t always never see them again, you know but you’re gonna see them at birthday parties. You have to set healthy boundaries at that point. You have to be able to say, “I am worth more than what they’re doing.

Bridgett: “Because a lot of times family members can be very challenging. You may set a boundary that I’m only going to see them- These times and-at birthday parties.

Collen: you can say, “This is not a place where I think we should discuss this” or “This not is not an appropriate time” if it’s your child’s birthday party, “This is not”Or grandchild.”This is not an appropriate place to have this conversation.” “Well, when are we gonna have the conversation?” “Get in touch with me.”

Bridgett: Sometimes you never know what this other person is going toHow they’re gonna behave. And if they are insulting you all the time, or putting you down, or, I don’t know, poking fun. There’s fun.Competitive. There’s fun in ribbing and fun, and then there’s mean .Like there’s funny- Yeah.fun things, and I get it when somebody is being funny, but then there’s sometimes- it’s funny, ha-ha or spite. There’s mean.  Yeah.It’s mean. And especially when they try to do it in front of other people to get a reaction from other people.If it’s one-on-one, then it’s just like, okay, you’re just being funny, or- Yeah. But if it’s just, like, trying to get this reaction from other people, that’s just being mean and you need to take care of yourself. Yeah. And if it’s in a group that happens, ’cause it happens.It absolutely happens.Yeah. And I don’t think,I mean, you tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to a different friend in the group and saying, “Listen, am I being oversensitive here, or was that crossing a line?

Colleen: That’s a really good point. I think that- Because then- Yeah.you at leastYou know, and you don’t have to go to the other person and say, “Listen, Becky-” said this.”or”You crossed a line.”Yeah.just for your own understanding.

Bridgett:  beause I’ve  been like, “Did I read into that wrong? “Yeah.”Did I “You know?And, and usually I find out, okay, no, that was rude. Sometimes somebody will point out, “Hey, that was really rude what they said.”Right.They’ll come to you and say, “Are you okay?

Colleen: “Which makes it a good friend.

Bridgett:  I had that happen in high school. Somebody made fun of my car, and I know who you are, and I’ve got a better car than you now, so ha! But, um, but anyway, they said that, and I remember 2 friends came to me afterwards and said, “That was really mean.”Yeah. You know?

Colleen: And, and as we get older,  we become much more selective in your friends because- we have enough life experience to see the BS coming a mile. Like you may need glasses or contacts, but you see people more clearly. So that, that’s helpful when you don’t even want to get into a relationship when that person’s like, “Oh, let’s go here, let’s go there. “You don’t have to. You’re not obligated to like everyone. You’re not obligated to be friends with everyone, you can’t be rude. Well, you can, but that just makes you a jerk.

But you can set healthy boundaries.So even if you sit down and say, “What am I looking for in my friendships? And kind of make a list and say, “Are my friends supportive? “Because like I said with Dan Buettner, obesity, smoking, um, negativity, it’s contagious. So if you’re hanging out with people who are unhappy in life and don’t want to get out of it, they’re in unhappy situations, because everyone goes through unhappy situations, but wants to sit in them up and become a victim all the time- just don’t. And, and for me personally, I don’t have time for that. When you’re constantly a victim of everything in your life, that should tell you that something is-  You’re looking at the world with the wrong lens.

Bridgett: You’re hanging out at places you don’t want to be, just like you’re saying. Yes. Yes. You know, that’s unhealthy. Maybe you’re going to bars every night, and maybe you like going to bars- but you’re going every night and you’re drinking and you’re waking up, you know, hungover every day and things like that, those are situations you’re thinking, “Maybe I shouldn’t be in this situation.

Colleen: don’t ever ghost.Don’t ever ghost.

Bridgett: Yeah.I know, and I’m really bad at that.

Colleen: Are you bad at that ghosting?

Bridgett: Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.

Colleen: How do you ghost?

Bridgett:  I just quit communicating. I just quit. It’s not like I have talked to them all the time, but I could think of- “So she doesn’t respond to me after this. “But, you know, there was probably a situation a few years ago where someone in a group just said something that, You were there, I think. and, um, and

Colleen: – I was.

Bridgett: And, was it was like, “That was so intrusive-” It was trigger.and in- egregious. Something had happened to me that was very scary, and they suggested something that was completely not an answer. Yeah .Against my beliefs and safety. And then the next thing, they posted something on Facebook, not with my name, but- Mm-hmm.to that situation, and I was like, “I’m done with you. “Yeah.”I’m done with you.” And I just unfollowed, un-whatever, quit communicating, that’s that. And they moved.

Colleen: I want to make sure that we’re closing with is what our thoughts are on how to break up with a friend. Number one, it’s totally fine to break up with a friend. Right.But, you know, what you’re looking for in the friendship may just not be what’s there anymore, and it might have been there 20 years ago, but it’s not there now, and it’s okay to say, “I just don’t think for either one of us this friendship-“If you want to do a slow closure where you stop responding slowly and you only see them in groups and they kind of get the hint, one way.

Second way, you can do face-to-face. If you’re comfortable doing that, and always remember, use the term I.”I don’t feel like this friendship is working for us anymore.I feel like for me, I’m going in a different direction.”And then empathize and listen to them.

Because they deserve to be listened to as well. It’s not like once you stop listening, if you’re listening just to respond, you’re not listening. You have to really justand own what, your baggage you own, but stand firm in the fact that, “I think going forward, this is just not something that’s working it’s probably best for both of you, for both of you.

Bridgett: And also, if it is a situation, I did read that if it is a situation where you feel unsafe- or you could even talk to a therapist. Have a therapist talk to both of you. Oh, I mean if it involves at family member or, if it’s somebody that was extremely close and you knew them your whole life or, you know, a lot of your life, then yeah, it might cost you some money to seek therapy, but it, it might be safe. It might be the safest way to do this,

Colleen:  And don’t make yourself smaller be in a friendship.Don’t excuse away things that we might have excused in our 20s and 30s because we were just trying to survive the day with kids and work and you deserve good friends, and it’s not about the number of them. So it’s okay to set a healthy boundary.

Bridgett: I totally get how you can get into these friendships because you and I both have moved. And when you first move somewhere and you don’t know people there, you, you know, I put myself out there .I’d join new neighbors, I’d join things, did things to try to meet people, and then you kind of find what works like maybe within a year or 2, you kind of find your group of people.

Colleen: Right, and I would definitely say that if you do have to break up with a friend or you feel like you should, note what didn’t work so you don’t fall into the same patterns again.

Bridgett: You know, I think that’s something as age. That’s another gift with the aging is that, wait a minute, I’ve seen this movie before. So if you don’t feel like you have the capacity, you can say to them, “Right now in my life, I just don’t have the capacity to be a good friend to you. And that’s okay to say too. Because you may not. You may have so much going on in your life. And, and that’s another gift with this age that you understand that people have situations going on in their lives. Like one of my very best friends, um, I haven’t seen her probably since like right before Christmas, and that’s okay. Right.You know, we’re still  getting along well, she doesn’t live near me, but we’re still gonna plan to meet up. It picks right up, and you’ve got those friendships that pick right up

Colleen: Oh, yeah. I have one that- Yeah.I see her maybe once a year, maybe. Right. Karen, you know who I’m talking about.

Bridgett: Yeah. But you pick right up, and those are fine too, and we have friends in the neighborhood, they’re, they are going through medical situations or they’re going through things, but we’re still there. So there’s those kinds of friendships too.

Colleen: It is hard to find good friends if you’re not a good friend to begin with.

You know, a lot of understanding goes into friendships, especially as you get older and situations arise, and you’ve got to be respectful about what’s going on in their family and, you know, what’s going on in their lives.

Bridgett: That’s a big thing. One of my sisters told me, I think it’s a quote she heard, that if you keep running into A-holes all day long, you may be the A-hole.

Colleen: So, victim mentality. So- Yeah, the victim mentality.

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