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Episode Summary

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a physician specializing in women’s mental health, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University, and founder of Gemma, the digital platform focusing on women’s health and equity, uses her expertise and platform to advocate for self-care in women and help those struggling with their mental health. In today’s episode, we sat down with Dr. Lakshmin to discuss the difference between faux self-care and real self-care, self-care as a social movement, Dr. Lakshmin’s digital platform, Gemma, and the four principles of real self-care.

First, we asked Dr. Lakshmin about the differences between faux self-care and real self-care. Dr. Lakshmin started by discussing how when it comes to any form of self-care, women often feel ashamed for not having time to practice things like meditation, baths, or journaling. With such busy schedules, they believe there isn’t a moment they can take to themselves, which in turn makes them feel lazy for not doing self-care. In reality, it’s societal pressures and stigmas that make women feel guilty, and they shouldn’t feel bad for not practicing self-care, whether faux or real. Faux self-care consists of the products and practices sold to women that are supposedly going to fix your problems. From essential oils to juice cleanses, targeted advertisements make women believe that spending money is the only way they can change their life. While faux self-care isn’t bad or wrong, it’s important to practice real self-care first. Real self-care focuses on the internal processes of how you make decisions and how you spend your time and energy. Real self-care helps to shift systems of power in your relationships, whereas faux self-care often keeps you in the status quo.

Self-care has been part of our culture for decades, and when asked about its origins, Dr. Lakshmin told us that the lineage of self-care comes from a black queer movement during the 1950s. Women such as Audre Lorde and Bell Hooks saw self-care as a form of self-preservation. It was a way to take back power from oppressive systems. Since then, self-care has been commodified in modern society. With the lack of good mental health services and the large presence of social media in our culture, it’s easier to turn to tailored advertisements that claim to be self-care. However, products and wellness activities are not replacements for mental health services. In Dr. Lakshmin’s latest book, Real Self-Care, she talks about how things such as self-help books aren’t meant to treat mental health issues but rather help you ask questions and build a new mental framework for approaching your problems.

Without products or wellness activities, people often don’t know where to turn to for help. That, along with the lack of evidence-based and adult-centered mental health advice on social media, is what prompted Dr. Lakshmin to create Gemma, a masterclass for women’s health. Run by experts, Gemma’s programs and classes are structured like a professional institution, with all information taught being backed up by sources. Gemma also offers training for clinicians. Dr. Lakshmin also mentioned how she’s thrilled to see women who have taken her classes later going to their own doctors with the information and advocating for themselves and their health.

Finally, we asked Dr. Lakshmin about the four principles of self-care. She said that self-care consists of setting boundaries, self-compassion, getting clearer on your values, and power. While many people assume setting boundaries simply means saying no, Dr. Lakshmin explained that a boundary is allowing yourself the time to pause. When making a decision, you have to think about what it is you truly want and basing your answer on your desires. Many people often feel guilty after deciding, especially when the choice negatively impacts someone else, which is where self-compassion comes into play. It’s important to take the negative thoughts and learn to approach them with kindness rather than bullying yourself for your decisions. Choosing for yourself rather than only thinking of others can feel daunting, and by getting clearer on your values, you can more easily figure out what it is you need. After figuring out your values, you then need to claim your power and take steps in your own life to figure out what needs to change.

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

Dr. Lakshmin is a physician specializing in women’s mental health; a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the George Washington University School of Medicine; the founder of Gemma, the digital platform focused on women’s mental health and equity; and a contributor to The New York Times. She has spent thousands of hours taking care of women struggling with burnout, despair, depression, and anxiety in her clinical practice. In Real Self-Care, she explains why our understanding of self-care is incomplete at best and manipulative at worst. Fixing your troubles isn’t simple as buying a new day planner. We cannot meditate our way out of a forty-hour work week without childcare. In fact, these faux self-care practices keep us looking outward, comparing ourselves with others or striving for perfection. Worse, they exonerate an oppressive social system that betrays women and marginalized groups. Real self-care is not a thing to do – it’s a way to be. When we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and our broken systems.

In this episode, we discuss…

• [0:01] Introduction
• [0:25] Guest Introduction
• [2:58] Start of Interview
• [3:22] Faux Self-Care vs. Real Self Care
• [8:30] Self-Care as a Social Movement
• [11:43] Wellness Activities vs. Mental Health Treatments and Instant Gratification
• [16:37] Gemma
• [22:20] Four Principles of Real Self-Care
• [30:25] Closing Thoughts
• [31:35] Outro

Useful Resources:

Dr. Lakshmin’s Website I [https://www.poojalakshmin.com/]

Dr. Lakshmin’s LinkedIn I [https://www.linkedin.com/in/pooja-lakshmin-md-a0343a129/]

Dr. Lakshmin’s Facebook I [https://www.facebook.com/PoojaLakshminMD/]

Dr. Lakshmin’s Instagram I [https://www.instagram.com/poojalakshmin/]

Dr. Lakshmin’s Twitter I [https://twitter.com/poojalakshmin]

Dr. Lakshmin’s Books

Real Self-Care I [https://www.amazon.com/Real-Self-Care-Transformative-Redefining-Wellness/dp/0593489721/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1683255032&sr=8-1]

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