We all dream. Every 90 minutes during sleep, we enter into a REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep pattern. These cycles of dreams start out in short patterns about 10 minutes long but as the night goes on, REM may last up to an hour. Dreaming is where our subconscious mind takes over and continues the inner dialogue from the day. The difference is that the dialogue comes to us in the forms of images and pictures that often seem illogical and random. What is our subconscious trying to tell us through dreams?
Lauri Loewenberg is a Certified Dream Analyst and member of IASD, the International Association for the Study of Dreams, an international organization that conducts and encourages research into the nature, function, and significance of dreaming. Her interest in dreams started at the young age of 2 and she has now made her career in helping others interpret their dreams. Our conversation with Ms. Loewenberg about dreams was quite eye opening.
First, Lauri believes that dreams are messages from you, to you, about you and in order to help improve you. They are subconscious thoughts from the day and nothing in a dream is random. Much of a dream will represent parts of your personality. If you are artistic, your dreams may be more vivid and if you fall more on the analytical spectrum, your dreams may not be as elaborate. It is important to remember that from the smallest flower to the scariest monster, everything is connected and woven into your story for a purpose. If you can interpret the advice these dreams provide, they can act as a built in therapist.
What happens if you can’t remember your dreams? Dreams happen in the part of the brain where short term memory is stored so for some individuals, it is hard to remember dreams. Laurie shared a tip that may help. Set your alarm for 20 minutes prior to your normal wake time and hit the snooze button. Try not to move, keep your eyes closed and remain quiet. This may allow you to fall back into the most recent dream and then be able to recall it. Think of it as a muscle that as you work with it, it gets stronger. If start to recall the dream, try to write it down before it disappears into the permanent dream abyss.
What about dreams that people have in common? Dreams such as your teeth falling out, you didn’t study for a test that is about to begin or your partner cheats on you. Common dreams are called archetypes and are connected to commonly held issues or behavior patterns. For example, your teeth falling out means that you may have said something that you want to take back. The school dream is similar to a work struggle that you may have currently or one that remains unresolved in your past. If you dream that you are being cheated on, something or someone in your life may feel like a third wheel. That third wheel may be your partner’s work, friends, car or even a new baby.
For those who have lost a close family member or friend, it is common for them to appear in your dreams. These types of dreams commonly last about a year and reflect the grieving process. The dreams may vary if the loved one had an open casket or not. If it was open, dreams may reflect the body in the casket. As you reach an acceptance level in the grieving process, the loved one may then say in the dream that they were away but you thought they were dead. There are also contact dreams with deceased loved ones. These dreams appear much more real and the deceased looks happy and healthy and often, you will see them in the kitchen. Lauri believes that not all of this can be explained by research and science. In fact, these dreams may connect to more than just to your subconscious and grieving. We may never know the answer for that.
What about dreams where you are in different parts of your home? House dreams represent different parts of your personality construct. The kitchen is where you plan and prepare so you may dream about the kitchen when you have a trip or event coming up in the near future. The bathroom may be where you “release” negativity or cleanse yourself of a life conflict or issue. The basement represents the past and the attic is for the highest aspirations or spiritual beliefs. The bedroom may represent sex or where you put an issue to “rest” while the living room represents something that you deal with on a daily basis. A new room may represent a new aspect of your personality and finally, the backyard represents parts of your life that you would like to keep private or just for yourself. Try to be aware of what room you may be in during your next dream.
What about nightmares? Lauri explained that bad dreams are connected to “your most difficult and unresolved issues”. Those may be in the past or present and are often complicated or mishandled. She believes that they are actually good for you because the dreams are shining light on an important problem. In essence, you subconscious is asking for help. If you can recall the emotions you felt during a dream and find what area in your life brings up that similar emotion, you have made the all important connection and can then try to work through it. Also, try not to wake yourself up. If you can gain some lucidity (awareness) during the dream, you can actually ask the “scary” creature/person/situation what it is trying to tell you. It sounds too good to be true but it can work.
There are times where your dreams may communicate events before they actually happen. For example, people who suffer from depression may have a dream that they are falling. This dream may occur right before a depressive episode. This early signal may allow them to try and mitigate the episode by going outside, finding joy in doing an activity, eating better or exercising a little more.
Menopause can also be represented in dreams. Lauri explains that women often dream about water during their monthly cycles. As perimenopause begins, women may then start dreaming of lakes or oceans receding. It is easy to see the connection there. Do we start to dream of deserts post menopause?
Some people complain that they dream too much and don’t feel well-rested. For those individuals, Lauri explains that most likely they are not getting enough deep sleep and instead, staying in the lighter stages at night. REM is actually a lighter stage that occurs right after the Alpha stage. For those struggling with feeling exhausted from a lack of restful sleep, a sleep study may be helpful.
Lauri Loewenberg has spent her career analyzing people’s dreams. She firmly believes that dreams are the subconscious representation of personal issues and experiences. If you can take the time to track your dreams and correlate the images to your life, you will be able to find out the “why” in your own dreams. Sweet Dreams.