EPISODE LINK: DEEDEE MOORE

DEEDEE’S WEBSITE: MORE THAN GRAND

TRANSCRIPT:

Colleen: Welcome back to Hot Flashes and Cool Topics. I’m excited and so is Bridgett to be

talking to Dee Dee Moore today, who is the founder of More Than Grand. And as I

mentioned to Dee Dee, I am in need of this conversation because as we’re taping,

my daughter is two weeks away from giving birth to my grandson, first one. And

there’s so much more to think about than you thought. There’s so much more to think

about than you realize, so welcome to the show!

DeeDee Moore:  well thank you so much i’m so

excited to be here.

Colleen:  Bridgett and I both checked out your website

which is More than Grand. Great, great title by the way, and i thought you had some

really great resources on first time grandparents, so i wanted to start with kind of

the do’s and don’ts for the first time grandparent because we think we know exactly

what to do and we really don’t. So what are some of your tips for people who are

about to be grandparents for the first time?

DeeDee Moore:  Well, remember, it’s not the same thing

as being a parent. So your experience as a parent does not necessarily translate

into making you a “great” grandparent. It’s a different role. And not only that,

things have changed immensely since you had children. So parents today are navigating

a very different landscape than we navigated. You know, when you guys and when I

was a parent, we had a couple of books. We had our pediatrician. We had our mom

or older sister or maybe a neighbor who we went to for advice.

Today’s parents don’t need those resources because they have the internet. So as a

new grandparent, it can be really humbling to discover that what you want to bring

in the way of advice and wisdom is not necessarily going to be valued by today’s

parents. And that can be a really hard pill to swallow.

Bridgett: Yeah, especially when it

comes to boundaries. Because, well, with the Internet and with social media, you hear

other people saying, I have to set this boundary. I have to do that. And like you

said, the landscape is so different. Can you talk about the boundaries and how that

can be a real shock to grandparents?

DeeDee Moore:  Absolutely. I mean, we kind of assumed that

our parents, you know, the grandparents would play their role and they would

understand the way we wanted to do things and it would be fine. We kind of had

some standards, but today’s parents have rules and boundaries,

and it comes up over and over again. You have to look at boundaries as an act of

love. They are a way of your adult children protecting the things that they think

are important and protecting your grandchild. So if you go into it thinking of

boundaries as walls, it is very upsetting. But if you think of them as ways for

everybody to get along in a relationship, it’s much easier to understand why they’re

setting them and why they’re important for you to respect those boundaries. Again,

if it’s something you really don’t understand, for example, I had a grandmother write

to me who said she had been horrified when her daughter told her that she had to

ask for a hug before she could, you know, hug her two -year -old grandson. And her

daughter didn’t explain why. She just said, we don’t do that anymore. You have to

ask before you, for physical affection. Well, she read one of my newsletters and

learned about bodily autonomy and why parents are asking that today. And she said,

it was so helpful to understand the reasons behind it. So a lot of what I do is

try to help grandparents understand the things that are important to parents today so

that you don’t have those moments of disconnect about what’s going on.

Colleen: And I thought another really interesting thing you talk about, well, you talk about

several of them. But one interesting thing that you talked about was the fact that

kids have to understand, kids parents have to understand, i know i still call them

kids, parents have to understand that culturally your parents. This is the first time they’ve

ever done this. Either they’re seeing social media going “i can give them treats,

I can take them and keep them up late, I can do all this stuff because I’ve earned

that and parents have to understand that there has to be a conversation about why

can’t I do that in a way that doesn’t make them feel rejected and doesn’t make

them feel like it’s unfair. Can you talk about that?

DeeDee Moore: Absolutely. It’s with any

generation, there’s going to be that that miscommunication, that generation gap. And

so it’s really important for grands. I think it’s important for grandparents to come

to parents and say, what are your boundaries? What are your expectations?

Because the messages grandparents are getting are very, very bad for relationships.

And so I’ve recently started, I’ve recently created an e -book for parents,

helping them understand grandparents better. Because as you said, that’s one of the

things. Another thing is, you know, we’re people too. We’re human. We want to belong.

We want to feel like we’re important to this family and too often parents don’t

take the time to recognize grandparents for the contributions that they do make, so

you know those are some of the things I cover in that e -book for parents to try

to help them understand those things and then once they’ve understood it, be able to

come to grandparents and have a healthier conversation than just this is the rule

you have to follow it, don’t do that again.

Bridgett:  yeah you know today, just this morning on

the Today Show, they had a younger woman that said “hey whoever

babysits, if you’re willing to babysit from my child as long as they’re safe,

you do what you want if you keep them up late”. She’s gotten support and

then she’s gotten some flack. What are your thoughts on that because

grandparents do a lot of babysitting, probably for free.

DeeDee Moore: that’s a tough one. It absolutely is and again you have to have that conversation

Some, as you said, some parents are absolutely fine with that others are not. And you

have to know, as a grandparent, you have to know where they stand and be able to

respect that. Parents today are very, very anxious. There’s a lot of hard stuff

going on in the world. It’s not an easy time to bring a child into the world. And

there’s also this feeling that there is a right way to parent. I know that we

questioned what we were doing, ah, you know, is this going to work? But I don’t

think we had as much pressure to be perfect parents as today’s parents do. I think

we were able to give ourselves a lot more grace because we didn’t have stuff coming

at us 24 -7 about the right way to do

everything. So grandparents need to respect that parents are putting up these

boundaries, creating these rules to protect themselves, to

protect what they see as important, to keep themselves feeling like they’re in

control.

Colleen: It does seem like there’s so many more complicated issues arising now when

children are coming into the world. And I know, for example, vaccines, you know,

my daughter’s having conversations about what vaccines she wants all of us to have

before we see the baby. And I think that’s well within her right to do so.

Not everybody is as approving as that. And that what you said about communication is

so important and respect for the boundaries. And I know another story I’d heard from

a woman is that “my daughter is having a child and her son’s wife was having a

child, and it’s a very different dynamic. Can you talk about the conflict

sometimes that comes between having a child by your daughter and having a child by

your son?

DeeDee Moore:  right it can be really hard for the mother -in -law of you know

of the woman who’s having the baby.

She has a relationship with her mother already, and so she can do different,

she’ll treat her mother differently than she’ll treat you. It’s just the way it

works. I mean, there’s nothing wrong about that. The mother -in -law, in this

case, can feel very hurt by the fact that. For example, the mother gets to be there for the baby’s birth but the mother -in -law does not get to.

Colleen:  well that’s me sorry.

DeeDee Moore:  exactly and it’s because your daughter knows that you’re a safe

Person. She has a relationship with you that goes back years and years and years not

every woman has that with her own mother, and there are mothers who are not invited

into the delivery room. that’s up to the to the couple that’s having the baby and

any parent, any grandparent whether it’s the you know the the in -laws or not

need to respect that choice of those parents. As a mother -in -law, you know if it’s

your daughter -in -law who is having a baby,  it’s important for you to create the

relationship with her, not with her as an extension of your son. And the more that

you cultivate that relationship, the more that you nurture her as a person,

you will have a much stronger relationship not only with her, but with your

grandchildren. And that can be really important because not every partnership lasts,

right?  When things go south, so often the in -laws,

you know, the mother’s in -laws lose contact with that grandchild because if it is a

divisive split, then sometimes she does not want to continue that relationship with

the in -laws. If you’ve already proven to her that you see her as a person,

that you were there to support her outside of the marriage, outside of her role as

the mother of your grandchildren, she’s much more likely to continue including you in

those children’s lives.

Colleen: With that, you know, I was having a conversation with a woman who was a

mother -in -law and she was saying, well, I’ve been told I should just say to her,

I’m coming on Monday. Do you want two o ‘clock or six o ‘clock and what I thought

that that was wrong. I’m like why don’t you say “I can bring dinner over one

day this week” in some way to help them. So could you give tips to maybe some

mother -in -laws who want to spend more time over there but with a newborn they

don’t know the right thing to do?

DeeDee Moore:  yeah oh it’s it’s a tough one and again you are

exactly right. Offering help that may be something they can use,

but not saying, not imposing it. You don’t say, I’m bringing dinner on Tuesday.

You say, can I bring dinner on Tuesday? I can just drop it off if that’s easier

for you? What would you like? I’m going to the grocery store. Can I pick anything

up for you? Is there anything I can do to help? Can I come walk the dog next

week while you guys are recovering? Offering help that doesn’t assume that you are

welcomed, assume that they want you there, assume that you have a right to be there

is the best thing you can do.

Bridgett:  That is great advice. I love the way that you

said that and worded that. Your website also has some terrific blogs.  I

was reading some of them. One of them that really stood out to me was the father’s

point of view, the father of the newborn child. And the situation was the mother of

the mom came in and he kind of felt left out. Can you talk about that situation

and what to do in that case?

DeeDee Moore:  It’s really important as a grandparent to let these

parents find their feet. And that means sitting back, letting them figure out how to

do things, not coming in and swooping in and saving them from the mistakes they’re

making, and certainly not excluding one parent or the other. And too many

grandparents do come in and just focus on this baby as though it’s an extension of

themselves. I hear from a lot of parents who will say, “my mother -in -law will not

stop talking about how this baby looks exactly like her side of the family. It’s

like she thinks I had nothing to do with it. And when you go back and look at my

baby pictures, they’re identical to this baby.” So, you know, we see what we want to

see. But it is important to make sure that you’re giving this new family room,

giving them space and not coming in and taking over and acting as another parent.

And generationally, it’s so hard because I think in our generation, we didn’t have

the ability to set those boundaries. I mean, we could have, but oh, the uproar that

it would have caused in our marriages. And it’s much more open now to saying,

I need boundaries. So that not, you know, you can’t come over for a couple days.

I need to just bond with the baby. My husband needs to just bond with the baby. And it’s

okay to say that now. I don’t know that in previous generations, you could say it

as freely.

Colleen: I completely agree with you. Today’s parents are much more willing and

able to set those boundaries.

DeeDee Moore: I mean, we certainly had the same issues with our

mother -in -law that (today’s)mothers do it, isn’t a new thing for you to be super

annoyed by your mother -in -law’s behavior but you just kind of grinned and bore

it right? You just kind of assumed that that’s how it went and as you said you

didn’t want to cause the uproar roar that would happen if you said something.

Now i know that I’ve shared the story before, that my two older children would go

over to my in -law’s house for a sleepover, and they would watch TV nonstop,

like she just ran movies for them to watch all night, and, oh,

well, they’ll fall asleep in front of the TV. They ate stuff that I would never

have given them at home, and it drove me crazy that she would do these things that

were so aside from what I thought were the right things for my kids. But my kids

to this day have the best memories of those Land Before Time marathons at Yaya’s

house. And so I’m so glad I didn’t say anything because it didn’t hurt them.

They’re successful, you know, (they) have navigated life just fine despite the fact

that they were exposed to things I, behaviors that I just didn’t really think that

they should be doing as, as young kids.

Bridgett: So that, that is always,

that’s so hard because it’s,  you’re thinking,

I want it this way. And then I’m going to get them back. They’re going to be

sugared up and all of these things. And it is hard to let go of that. And you’re

in this mindset. Like you said, trying to be perfect. I know, Colleen, when you and

I and we were bringing up, all of us were bringing up our kids, we were so scared

about, they have to be in this and they have to be in that. And it’s not really

the case all the time. You can look back. You look back with 20/20 vision and

you’re like, Why on earth did I do that? Right. Exactly.

DeeDee Moore: And I think that helps us

understand or explain some of the behavior of your children when they’re becoming

parents. You’re like, this is their first time. This is the first rodeo for them.

Colleen: And, you know, I mean, honestly, but sometimes when the kids are talking, I’m like,

uh -huh, let me know how that works out for you, you know, because you have to let

them make their own way. And, you know, I find it very funny that that my daughter

studied psychology, so she’s always diagnosing me. And I did gentle parenting,

that there are actual categories of parenting. And I’m like, you just parent. You

just try to keep the newborn alive when they’re home in the beginning. You try to

get some sleep. And now there’s like categories. Do you fall within this type of

parent. It’s just such a different world.

DeeDee Moore: Oh, it absolutely is. One of my nephews, his wife said one time, she said, I think that the best way to

parent is, I call it A plus parenting. You get to the end of the day, the child’s

alive, A plus.

And really, yeah. That’s it. And unfortunately, not enough of today’s parents have

that have that philosophy behind the way things are going for them. So it is hard

to watch that as a grandparent because you do have the gift of perspective and time

and wisdom about what children really need. And it can be hard to not offer advice

and not say, oh, you guys, you know, I don’t think you really need to be that

caught up in this issue because it’s not going to have that big of an effect in

the long run.

Bridgett: Right. And another thing I see, and I see this happening to

grandparents,

the babysitting, the watching the kids.

Colleen: Burnout. The burnout.

Bridgett: Yeah. The babysitting burnout and you see some grandparents you feel like, but I don’t say

anything but are they being taken advantage of? But then

I don’t know their life. Like they may want to be with their grandchild, but you

do see where they can’t do these other things that they want it to do later in

life because they have to be there for the kids. Yes. That is a tough thing

because situations are so different. It’s different. Child care is so expensive.

Right. So I can see why you want to help your child. And jobs are hard. Harder to

get. Cost of living is so much more than it was when we were at their age. I

don’t know any advice for those situations?

DeeDee Moore:  Well, you hit on a huge issue because

it’s actually one of the top search terms that brings people to my website is

Grandparent Babysitting Burnout. It’s a big problem. And it’s,

as you said, a really complex one because sometimes there is no other choice for

that family. But it’s important for grandparents and parents to be able to talk

about that. I know I had one grandmother write to me. She had agreed to watch her

first grandchild when they were born. And then parents had another child.

So now she has two of them, you know, a two -year -old and a four -month -old. And

she’s not in great health. She is, she is not as physically able as she needs to

be to keep up with a toddler, not to mention take care of a newborn at the same

time. Parents are paying her, but paying her a pittance. I think it was like $80 a

week.

And she was afraid that if she said anything, that if she brought up to them,

that she just physically was unable to do this, that they would not let her see

her grandchildren. And so it was heartbreaking. But you’ve got to have that

conversation. Parents have got to be, you know, find a way to help. Maybe you help

pay for child care. Maybe you find a teenager in the neighborhood who can come help

you in the afternoons. You know, a 12 -year -old in the neighborhood could come help

you in the afternoons and play with the kids. Find ways to make it so that you

can get a break. When you agree to babysit your grandchildren, make it very clear

to parents that you need a trial period because you may find that you really cannot

do it. It’s hard enough giving up the things, you know, missing your book club

every month or not getting to take that trip you wanted to take. But sometimes it’s

just physically too demanding. I will tell you, you know, I had to step in and

help with my grandkids for a period of about six weeks. And the first week that I

was where my daughter -in -law was very ill. My son was still trying to work and

take care of her. And I was in charge of the kids, pretty much in charge of

keeping the household running. Three children, they were three, five, and seven at

the time. And about the third day, I called my husband and said, it doesn’t look

like I’m going to be home anytime soon. And I need you because I cannot do this.

It is exhausting. Just getting the meals and the, you know, the dishes and not to

mention getting people to school and back and keeping everybody entertained and trying

to keep up with the laundry. So it gave me a huge, huge respect for today’s

parents because you do forget how very, very,

very overwhelming it is to have small children, but also for grandparents,

before you get in too entrenched in, you know, being sure that babysitting is what

you want to do,

have a trial period to see if it really is something you can handle.

Colleen: That is such

a great idea, a trial period. That way nobody gets hurt. It either works out or it

doesn’t. And, you know, I said to my daughter, I’m more than happy to help, but

not every day. Because I think I don’t want to discipline my grandchildren. Like I

did that already. You know, I want to enjoy them. And I think if you’re doing nine

to five every single day, you don’t enjoy them. Then it’s like you’re raising, you

want to be the grandparent. And that’s like a step back from that. And that’s so

hard. Because like Bridgett said, it is such a hard economy right now that I don’t

know how young people are doing it. I really don’t. Even daycare is a fortune.

DeeDee Moore: It is. And it’s not just in the U .S. It’s like, you know, I’ve heard the same

thing from the UK from Australia. It is a real issue for parents around the world.

Bridgett: You brought up the

holidays. You brought up the holidays. And that can be such an issue too because

some families demand every Christmas. You know, you might have a very domineering

grandparent on one side.

Colleen: What are you talking about, Bridget? What are you talking?

Just kidding. (laughing)

DeeDee Moore:  I have to give my parents so much credit when my older sister and I

got married. We got married in the same year. And my dad said to us, okay, I

recognize you now have other responsibilities. This was, I think, before we even had

children. He said, but I want you to come home every other Christmas. And I want

you to come home the same year. So that became the routine in our family.

And we still, every other Christmas, everybody gathers. I mean, now it’s, you know,

35 of us, but we all still gather at my mom’s house. Everyone who can,

obviously, you know, it’s not always possible. But it made it so much easier all

those years knowing that our responsibilities were very clear. This was the year that

we would gather if we could. And on the off year, we could, you know, go with the

other grandparents, do things on our own. And it’s really important for grandparents

to lay out, you know, and what my dad did was, here is my expectation.

Can you help me fulfill this, Right? We could. Now, not every family is going to

be able to. And there were certainly years that we couldn’t. There were certainly

years that, you know, we lived overseas or, or, you know, we were, you know,

different things were happening. But, but it was so nice to have a clear expectation

from the grandparent communicated to us in a way that we could come back and have

a conversation about it. Too many grandparents just make that assumption about what’s

going to happen. They, you know, I know Christmas is an extremely important holiday

to me. I even got married right after Christmas because I just think it’s the most

magical time of year. But I also recognize that it’s going to happen whether

everybody’s there or not. And I’m not relying on getting my entire family together

to make that holiday special. So you as a grandparent need to have that conversation

with parents. What do you want to do this holiday season?

Do you want to come home for Hanukkah? Do you guys want to get together at New

Year’s? Where should we gather for Thanksgiving? Oh, you want to do that instead?

Great. We’ll do something else. You have to open up those conversations because there

are a lot of assumptions. We make a lot of assumptions about we tie so many things

to the holidays, to our traditions, to what we think should continue.

And, you know, those don’t always work for the realities of today’s life.

Bridgett: Right. There’s so many factors too, because there could be situations where people are

divorced, and then you’re adding on a whole other sets of grandparents.

DeeDee Moore: I’ve heard

from parents who are like, we have five different people we’re supposed to go see

on Christmas Day. Like, that is not possible with an 18 -month -old. And they all

are getting mad if we don’t show up on their schedule. Well, you know, parents, I

don’t know if you,

grandparents, you have to understand how hard it is to do anything with a baby.

Colleen: And then there’s the whole issue of illness, too. I mean, parents today are much

more aware of the dangers of things like RSV, which peak around the holidays.

They may not want their child, their baby, their four -month -old, around all these

people. You have to respect that.

DeeDee Moore: That is very true.

Colleen: And Christmas, I’ve already discussed that with my daughter.

DeeDee Moore:  Good job!

Colleen: And I, you know, you have to be really, like I said, I will give up Thanksgiving. I will

give up these things, but I’m not giving up Christmas, whether that means I come to

you or you come to me. I’m flexible as long as I’m there with wherever you are.

DeeDee Moore: Okay, but what if, what if the in -laws really want them for Christmas. Are you

going to go to the in -laws?

Colleen: Yeah, absolutely. And they come to my house. They can

come to my house. I mean, you know, it’s, I have a very good, it’s complicated

because they are divorced, so there’s three (sets) of grand, you know what I mean?

DeeDee Moore: Right. Right. Yeah.

Colleen:  okay, naming grandparents’ names.

DeeDee Moore: Oh, that’s a good one. Oh, yes. Okay.

Colleen: I just wanted to be grandma. Like

that’s, I wanted to be grandma. But then, oh, what if you’re grandma number one,

number two, and number three? And then you start coming up with these names and

you’re like, the poor kids going to be like, I have a this, I have a Mimi, I

have a Gigi, I have a this, or that.

DeeDee Moore: Kids can handle it.

Kids don’t care a bit. They will, they, they know the difference between grandma and

grandma. They know the difference between Mimi and Gigi and Grandma Ann and Grandma

Pat and Grandpa Joe. They can handle it no problem.

Bridgett: Yeah. My mother,

I’m from a really large family. So there were 12 kids. I’m number 11. The first

like five grandchildren called her Grandma. Then one of the little kids started

calling her Meemaw. So she was Meemaw for the middle group. And one of the younger

daughter car and Meme. So she was Meme to my kids and like the last 20

grandchildren are however many there were. I don’t know.

Colleen:  sometimes

the kids name you.

DeeDee Moore: And that’s fine. I think that’s great. I think as long as

they’re calling you something. Right. And they know who you are.

Colleen: It just, it becomes

this complicated thing because some women are like, well, I’m too young to be a

grandma.  No, you’re not. If your child is having a child, you’re not too young

to be a grandparent. Right.

DeeDee Moore: Absolutely. It is hard, though. I mean, it’s the one

time in your life that you get to christen yourself. You know, you’ve already been

given your name. Other people give you nicknames. It’s the one time where you get

to form your identity. And maybe Grandma evokes an identity that you don’t really

embrace. You know, maybe your mother -in -law was Grandma and you don’t want to be

Grandma just the way she was. But then what do you want to be called? How are you

going to figure out what you want to be called? And are our parents going to go

with that? I know I’ve heard from parents who are like, you know, my my mother -in

-law wants to be called Honey and I just, it just turns my stomach.

I’m like, well, you know, she gets to decide, really. And it’s, you just have to,

just as you get to decide a lot of things, that’s one thing that I think the

grandparents get to, to have their own, own decision about. Now, if grandma wants to

be called Mama, I am not on board with that. And I have, And I have heard that.

Colleen: Really?

Bridgett: I’ve heard things about that. I have heard about that as well. I agree with

you. That’s just not. That’s overstepping.

There’s some group that does these videos. They’re so funny. I think it’s called So

True, Y ‘all.  Have you seen the video about the

women that go in the store to pick out their grandma name?

DeeDee Moore: Yes.

Bridgett: Oh, my gosh. It’s

so good.

Colleen: I’ve not seen that. I got to go look now.

Bridgett: Like they’re at a jewelry

store and they’re looking for a necklace for their grandma name. And like another

one comes in, (and says)”oh, Meme, that’s what they call me.” And she’s like, okay, I’m not

picking that.

DeeDee Moore: It’s so. It’s great. Yeah. It really hits it exactly right.

It just, it sounds like communication is key. Like it is in every relationship.

Colleen: Absolutely. It’s just, it’s so, it could be such a joyous occasion if you kind of

get out of your own way and you don’t set, well, I’m the grandparent. I have

earned the right to X, Y, and C. Because unless you gave birth to that child,

your child is, or your in -law is giving birth, You have to respect their wishes,

you know.

DeeDee Moore: You do. You do. And that’s, you know, so much of what I share on my

website and the resources that I offer in my shop are all about communication. I

was a communication consultant before I started More Than Grand. And so that does

infuse everything that I do. It’s very, it seems very simple to say,

just have a conversation about it. But as we all know, there are all sorts of

minefields out there when you bring up a topic that two people disagree on or are

unsure about. And, you know, when you bring the uncertainty that a new parent has

about their role into the equation, it makes it even more important for grandparents

to be respectful and kind of hold back their opinions, hold back their instructions

and wait for the parents to lead.

Bridgett: Right. And you have a lot of great guides as

well on your website. Can you talk about the guides? And I know you said you’re

coming out with a holiday guide as well.

DeeDee Moore: Absolutely. So my main one is New

Grandparent Essentials. And it has four sections, four main sections,

your grand vision, because you will have a much better time as a grandparent if you

are intentional about what you’re doing instead of just coming in and buying all the

things and, you know, thinking that this is how you want to do it. Spending some

time thinking about that and talking to parents about whether that is achievable,

how they can help you, you know, become the person that guides your grandchild in

this way or that is really important. The meat of it is partnering with parents.

And that is where I talk about those conversations you need to have. I talk about

the parents’ viewpoint what they’re facing these days and really help grandparents

understand the issues that parents are dealing with that may make it hard for them

to communicate with you the things that they need. There’s also an entire section on

baby care and safety with up -to -date information about those things because it is

very different. I mean, I know it changed for me between the two children I had in

the 80s and the two children I had in the 90s, everything was different. So it’s

really important for grandparents to be up to date on that. So you aren’t trying to

offer outdated advice. And then there’s a section on new trends in parenting as well

with things like bodily autonomy and, you know, gender neutral toys and things like

that that are important to today’s parents. So it really equips you with everything

you need to really be supportive and to enjoy grandparenting even more.

Colleen: That sounds invaluable. And you do have, you’ve a lot of blogs, you know, just the one on 14 Essential Rules for Visiting Newborns. Go check that out because it’s

really, you know, don’t overstay your welcome. Things you don’t really think about.

But, you know, kissing. They don’t really want you kissing the baby. Things like

that you just, you know, you want to grab the baby and just, you know, you just

want to squeeze it.

Bridgett: You can tell that she’s not excited or anything.

Colleen: It’s so close. I can feel it.

Bridgett: I know. It’s like, if She opens her door right

there. You will see a crib. You will see a crib while the door’s going to hit the

other doors open. Yeah, you will see a crib.

DeeDee Moore: But, you know, it’s just, it’s

important because as grandparents, we don’t know, this is the first time we’re being

grandparents. We’re becoming grandparents. We don’t know the, not that there’s a right

and wrong, but the best ways to help our kids.

Colleen:  Absolutely.

DeeDee Moore: And it, you know, it

always, it’s always interesting to me that almost anybody who’s a grandparent will

tell you, this is one of the most rewarding, most important things they’ve ever done

in life. And yet, it is a role that most of us assume we can do without any

preparation. We wouldn’t go into any other important role in life without learning

what’s new, without learning about the best way to do it, without researching what

that role entails. And yet when we become a grandparent, we just assume we know

what to do. The truth is in a lot of ways we do, but things have changed enough

that that preparation is still vitally important. It’s just like if you went back

into the workforce after a gap of 30 years, you’d brush up on new technologies and

what’s changed in the industry and you’d learn about the new company that you were

going to be working for, you wouldn’t just walk in and say, oh, I did this 30

years ago. I’ve got it. Nope, nope. No, worry. Don’t tell me.

Colleen:  And it’s true because

there are so many new things that I was like, they didn’t have that.

I sounded like the grandparents of my children going, oh, that’s new. That’s new.

Bridgett: Absolutely. When you were just telling me the testing that goes on now with the

pregnancy. Oh, my goodness, because that reminds

me, when I had my son, I had a lot of nieces and nephews so I kind of

saw all this happening when I had my first child. My Mother-in-Law, because with

disposable diapers, she said “do you dunk them in the toilet until it dissolves and I

was like no”. She never used them, yeah I think Pampers came out when she had her

last one and that they were supposed to dunk them until it, like, I don’t know

what, dissolved. And I was like, “don’t do that, or that diaper will blow up

like a balloon and the whole toilet. 

You know, car seats change. Expiration dates on car seats, everything like that.

We never knew about that. Yeah. You know, so many things.

Colleen:  And that’s why your

website, More Than Grand, is such a great resource for first time or second time or

several grandparents. Because sometimes you have some grandkids with one child and

then your next child doesn’t have them for 10 years. Like 10 years.

DeeDee Moore: Yes. And

everything is new again.

Colleen: So absolutely. We just appreciate so much the information

that you’re sharing with our listeners and on your website MoreThanGrand.com.  DeeDee Moore. Thank you

for joining us. We appreciate it.

Dee Dee Moore: Oh, thank you guys.